Trials of the Brave: Story 4380

I don't have any cool Lee-Ermy type story but i do have a medley of Sh*t that was said during basic. First let me start off by describing the drills. There was Ds R, the plt sgt. He's an SFC 88M. The kind of soldier who talked about the bad crap he did before he joined. Not much of a yeller, but when he smoked us, he gave us a smoking from the BDU days because he knew how to work around the regs. And laughed as he counted cadence as we made the walls sweat (didn't know it was possible until i joined the army).Then there's Ds B. A SSG. 13B. He literally did osut back when 13b training was osut in the neighboring btry. So i guess his nostalgia made us get destroyed even worse. And he was pretty big. 6'1 220. He was the yeller. You know, the guy who spartain kicks the bay doors open when he exits and throws the trash cans. Now to the monologues and dialoguesDs B: private L (me)Me: yes DsHim: why tf did you lick that envelope and close it before i instructed you too?Me: becau...Him: im assuming you had an oral fixation pri. Control your tongue pri befors i put you on the block and make me some cash

Ds B: okay pri's this is how you do the supine bicycle. You lay on your back, put you hands on top of your head, your pinkies should be on the tip of your hairline unless you're pri L then you would have to use you imagination.Ds R: pri R i see you're thinning on top of your head pri. Well at least it doesn't look like private L's. Where tf is he at? There he is. At least its not like that sh*t. Private L, promise me you'll keep a shaved head when you arrive to you unit private. You have the same number of follicles as the number of 2lts who know land nav(Someone gets brownies during mail call)Ds R: pri wtf are those.Private: brownies dsDs R: no sh*t but what kind?Private: ........Ds R. Im just messin with you pri. But for a sec i thought those were hash brownies.Private in the back of formation: "what you know about those ds?"Ds R: i had a life before the army pri, hooahDs B. Pri, where tf is your pcPrivate: i left it in the bay dsDs B: pri, put both your hands on top of you head. Those dick beaters better not leave your grape until i tell you to put em down.No happy sock for you tonight.

Ds B: privates. Make sure you wear your shower shoes when you're washing your swamp ass. I know you nasty f*ckers beat your dicks in the shower, so to avoid catching some sh*t, put on your high speed foot prophylactics everytime you bathe.(We're all formed up on the drill pad because idiots were arguing and it turned physical) Ds B: privates, why in tf am i getting calls at night by another ds on cq about you touching each other in the bay. Didn't i tell you to keep your hands to yourselves? Your asses better be lucky i couldn't come in last night when ds L called because i had a few drinks. If i hadn't been tipsy, i would've been here to break you off something proper and went ham on your asses.Wanna know why i drink pri's? Because i gotta deal with you ugly f*ckers all day, then i go home and have to whoop my wife's ass because there aint nothin on the stove when i get home, then i enjoy my evening with my daughter because im always getting called about some sh*t 2nd plt did. Half right face. Front leaning rest position move.Ds B counting in cadence: 1,2,3Ho, ly, crapPri, vate, kWhat, the, f*ck, is thatYou, ain't, gonna, make, itMight, as, well, quitWhile, you're, a, headGet, your, back, straight,You, grew, your, own, bodyShould've, lost, weight (everybody: halt)Ds B: stay in the front leanin rest pri's you grew those fat ass bodies so you should be able to hold em up.Get off your knees, that's a position for a woman.(ds r was on emergency leave because a relative passed. He heard what was going on and addressed it when he returned)Ds R: so 2nd plt has been actin an ass while i was gone huh? Don't worry about it, imma tighten yall asses up. Half right face. (You know the rest)It was on his command instead of being in cadence.DS R: DOWN. you know what? Get up i got something better in mind for y'all. The 8-count pushup. Starting position move. In cadence. Exercise. 123434343434343434343434567EVERYBODY: ONEDs R: y'all got 9 more reps privates. Everybody wasn't doin the exercise correctly that's why i kept repeating the counts.Yall gone learn today. 123434343434343434567EVERYBODY: twoAnd so on and so forthThere's more but I'm tired of typing.Just to confirm. The reason why the drills saw some of our hair thinning is because we didn't get to run to the px every week, so we didn't get a shaved head every week. Private L (me) had thinning hair like Lebron james (the irony). I know it aint no cool story like the guidon bearer sticking his crotch in a drills face but you guys may enjoy some of these. If you don't, you don't.