Perseverance Pays Off: Story 4586

Early 2000s. We were going through basic for 19D and had a DS that could make you laugh your ass off while getting smoked. Had an instance where we were cleaning weapons in our 7 man bay. One of our guys (we'll say PFC Dink) got called to the DS's office. He and his battle buddy took off and we watched their weapons. This DS, we'll call him DS Hand, comes striding into the bay, already telling us to shut up and sit down, as opposed to the usual "AT EASE".Wanders over to PFC Dink's bunk and blatantly slides a small package of Hershey's Kisses under his dust cover. He then turns, gives us the "do something" look, and silently walks out. We are dumbfounded. What the hell do we do?! As we whisper about the right and wrong thing to do, we are about to get up and toss it out onto the window ledge next to the window of the adjacent bay (because screw them, right?!).DS Hand comes. Back in and beelines for the bunk. He reaches under, snatches the candy, and we know we're in for it. Instead, he just mumbles that our fat asses would eat it to destroy the evidence and he wanted it. He then walked out.

PFC Dink and his battle buddy come back shortly after. We told him what had happened and he was somewhat released. We figured we were good, right? Well, DS Hand comes in again. He wanders from private to private, watching us clean weapons. When he gets to PFC Dink's bunk, he "finds" a Hershey's Kisses wrapper under his bunk and does the usual DS freak out.

As we're doing our four-count pushups, he starts to get creative...

1, 2, 3..Milk, choc, olate..Her, sheys, kisses..Mmm, mmm, good..And then starts reading ingredients...Milk, choc, plate..Cane, shu, gar..Coa, coa, butter..Mi, ilk, fat..I, don't, knowwhatthef*ckthatis..So y'all, just gonna', push..1, 2, 3..1, 2, 3...He couldn't keep a straight face after that and we got sent back to the bay. Only time I really enjoyed being smoked....at least at the end.