Protein Shakes & DFAC Mexican Food Don't Mix

After enlisting in 2006, I shipped to basic at Ft. Leonard Wood where I met PFC B. Now B was the kind of guy every other soldier wanted to be, brains with PT score. Even our DS didn’t give him too much trouble because of his capabilities and because we shared the same MOS, he had my back. Fast forward to our AIT in Fort Huachuca. After getting out of the phases and having most of our weekends free and our food no longer restricted, PFC B resumed his normal routine of these massive protein shake combos.I never figured out exactly what all went into them. One of DS, DS. S was a Ranger and thus training with him was a learning experience. If you had a problem, you could trust he would take care of it. If you were the problem, he had no problem fixing you.It was a Wednesday evening and we were sitting in our barracks room at 5-Mile and PVT. B was downing one of his massive protein shakes again. While this wasn’t uncommon, it was the first day I could remember him trying this combination on the same day the DFAC was serving Mexican food.Not 20 minutes goes by and this incredible smell comes wafting into my bunk from PFC B’s bunk. My first thought was DS. S had dumped a CS grenade in our barracks again, but the truth was the combination on Pvt. B’s stomach had produced a gas that made the experience in the gas chamber of Leonard Wood seem like a cake walk.

It was the fastest building clear as 30 of us went through any exit we could find including two individuals who jumped out windows. I and several others went through the emergency exit, coughing, gagging and eyes watering.As we got to the bottom of the short stairs I heard DS S yell “What the $%#* are you doing? That’s an emergency exit only!”Still coughing I managed to reply, “But Drill Sergeant, this was an emergency”.DS S stopped a minute, “Oh really?”Then proceeded up the stairs and through the exit into our barracks. Less than a minute later DS S comes through the door and back down the stairs to where we are and without missing a beat simply says, “Carry on” then proceeds to walk back to Company HQ.I can only imagine the discussion he had with the other DSs in the unit. And that was the last time any of us let PFC B have one of his shakes on Colon Blow Wednesdays.