A Real Recruiting Rap

The United States Army has come out with a recruiting rap video...we know...we know try to stifle the laughter. We watched it, so you don't have to, and after watching it, despite many of us being from suburbia, we thought, certainly we could do a much better job and be a lot more honest for those potential recruits so without further ado, imagine our intern Chad dropping about as fat a beat as his "You might kick my ass, but my dad will sue you," outfit can possibly allow for.Uh, uh, uh yeah so here we are the United States Military Machine,All your life you've wanted to be part of this team, team, team yuh.But little did you know all you're gonna do is clean, clean, yuh.Saw the recruiting poster, thought "how could I say no sir?"Got your head all full of dreams, of ripping civilizations apart by the seams, seamsWent to boot camp to learn to kill, oh my imagine the thrillInstead of makin' bodies drop, you learned how to operate a mop.Uh, uh, uh yeah so here we are the United States Military Machine,All your life you've trained to be part of this team, team, team yeah.But little did you know all you're gonna do is clean, clean, yeah.Left that base, thought your career was headed for outer spaceHigh as can be, you'd soar and they'd all see, see yeahGot to your first unit and soon it was clearInstead of bringin' doom, your ass is using a broomUh, uh, uh yeah so here we are the United States Military Machine,All your life you've trained to be part of this team, team, team yeah.But little did you know all you're gonna do is clean, clean, yeah.Fast forward, 20 years later, you know better but you ain't a haterGot these kids to flex on, gonna make sure they sprayin windexOn the mirror, or the brass, or someone else will kick their ass.In the end don't you know, all the guns are just for show,Thought you'd be makin tons of dough,but you're just out in the cold shoveling snow...Uh, uh, uh yeah so here we are the United States Military Machine,All your life you've trained to be part of this team, team, team yeah.But little did you know all you're gonna do is clean, clean, yeah.All you're gonna do is clean...all you're gonna do is clean yeahTwentynine Palms represent, give it up for the seven SIX OH!