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NASA's Space Hero: A Tribute to Astronauts

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August 3, 2017
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If you haven't already heard about NASA's recent search to hire a Planetary Protection Officer, you must not care about your planet. If you don't care about that, then you probably don't care about your country and when secret alien invaders do come, we hope they enslave you first! But maybe the person who lands this very real job will be kind enough to protect you. According to their job posting, NASA is hoping to find someone with secret security clearance to protect the planet from "organic-constituent and biological contamination" doesn't make it's way back in a space ship, which sounds an awful lot more like a Hollywood elevator pitch for a summer blockbuster than a real job. That got us thinking about how Hollywood would cast this role. Here are a few of our best hunches for the face of the planet against alien invaders as spoon fed to us by studio execs looking to find a new way to make money off of us that doesn't include a Marvel superhero.

Will Smith

OK. This one' a no brainer. This Men In Black alum already saved the planet in Independence Day with a cigar and a single mom waiting for him stateside and he did it with all the class you expect from a fresh prince turned action star. But Hollywood already offered him this job for the sequel to that series and he turned it down so it's unlikely he'd do it for a flick or the paltry (to him) six-figure pay: $124,406 to $187,000 annually that NASA's offering.

Charlize Theron

You want someone to take down a threat and look amazing doing it? Charlize Theron is that woman. Want proof, check her out in Atomic Blonde. While Charlize has been a badass for a while in Hollywood (Mad Max, anyone?), it's unlikely that she's going to get this role due to her lack of intergalactic experience on screen. Plus, why would you want to cover up that body in a space suit?

Tom Cruise

This guy has been saving the world from imaginary threats on and off screen for years. His recent lackluster performance and success with Jack Reacher could also be an indicator that after his next Mission Impossible he should look into a new career. It's unlikely but possible--only if the script has a few unnecessary sprints and casts really short aliens.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Sure the Terminator turned Governator may be past his world-saving days, but you can't count Arnold out of any gun fight. We're not sure if Arnold ever made it into space but he's definitely battled against the best and if he has any trouble, he can bring some of his Expendables pals to back him up. Sounds like a good sequel actually and we know how much Hollywood loves those!

The Rock

It's safe to assume that this is the odds on favorite and not just because the Rock is everyone's favorite these days, but because it seems like there's no job this man won't take on and kiss ass at. Any reservations we had about laying the smack down in space can also be stopped by his recent jaunt with Siri where he took a biceps selfie in orbit. Save us Rock!Who would you want to protect the planet from Hollywood's cast of faux heroes with NASA's pending threat? Tell us in the comments. But don't worry, if the industry fails us, they'll just reboot it or make another one of these and maybe add more Stallone.

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