2. FEAR/IDENTITY

FEAR

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The concept of living life to the fullest can vary from person to person, as it is subjective and influenced by individual perspectives and values. 

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Generally speaking, it refers to making the most of your time and experiences, embracing opportunities, and finding fulfillment and happiness through the ups and downs. 

Read that again…

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…through both the ups and downs. 

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Life is a collection of ups and downs, and both are essential for personal growth and making this life a meaningful journey. Embracing and learning from the downs can ultimately contribute to a more fulfilling and well-rounded life.

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The downs in life are an integral part of the human experience and can hold valuable lessons and opportunities for healing, growth, and change to occur. More often than not, it is when we hit our lowest point that we’re open to our greatest change. While it’s natural to prefer the ups, the downs often shape us in profound ways. It gives us the opportunity to step out of our comfort zone, take risks, face our fears, and embrace new experiences. 

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Ultimately, living life to the fullest is about finding your own purpose and creating a life that aligns with your values and brings you a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

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Fear can get in the way of living life to the fullest because it creates a barrier between you and the richness of life's experiences. Fear is a complex emotional and physiological response that arises in response to a perceived threat or danger. It is a natural and adaptive human emotion that has evolved over time to help us survive and respond to potential hazards. 

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While fear serves a vital purpose in keeping us safe, it can also become problematic when it is excessive or chronic, leading to anxiety disorders and other mental health issues. This is why overcoming and managing fear is essential to live life to the fullest. While it's normal to experience fear at times, learning how to confront and navigate it can open the door to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. 

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By addressing and working through your fears, you can remove these barriers and unlock opportunities for personal and professional growth. This might involve seeking support, practicing mindfulness, developing resilience, and gradually exposing yourself to your fears in a controlled and supportive way.

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Here are some benefits of overcoming your fears:

• Increased Self-Confidence: Successfully confronting and conquering your fears can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. Each time you overcome a fear, you gain a sense of accomplishment and belief in your abilities.
• Expanded Comfort Zone: Stepping outside your comfort zone, which often involves confronting your fears, is where personal growth occurs. It allows you to learn, adapt, and become more resilient in the face of challenges.
• Improved Mental Health: Unaddressed fears can contribute to stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Working through them can lead to reduced emotional distress and a greater sense of emotional well-being.
• Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills: Facing your fears often requires creative problem-solving and resourcefulness. These skills can be valuable in various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal challenges.
• Greater Resilience: Conquering fears can teach you how to bounce back from setbacks and adversity. It strengthens your ability to handle difficult situations and adapt to change.
• Achievement of Goals: Many goals and aspirations require facing and overcoming fears. Whether it's starting a new business, giving a presentation, or traveling alone, confronting your fears is often a necessary step toward achieving these objectives.
• Improved Relationships: Addressing your fears can lead to better communication and conflict resolution skills, enhancing your relationships with others. Fear-driven behaviors, such as avoidance or defensiveness, can strain relationships.
• Embracing New Experiences: Fear can prevent you from trying new things or exploring unfamiliar territory. By working through your fears, you open yourself up to a wider range of experiences and opportunities for personal enrichment.
• Personal Empowerment: Confronting your fears can make you feel more empowered and in control of your life. It reinforces the idea that you have the ability to shape your own destiny and make choices based on your values, not your fears.
• Inspiration for Others: Your ability to face your fears and overcome challenges can serve as an inspiration to others who may be struggling with similar fears or obstacles. It can motivate and encourage those around you.

While it's important to work through your fears, it's equally important to recognize that this process may take time, patience, and support. It's okay to seek help from friends, family, or a professional if your fears are particularly overwhelming or debilitating. The journey to conquering your fears is a personal one, and it's about progress, not perfection.

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"Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it."

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-Judy Blume

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OVERCOME YOUR FEARS AND START TAKING ACTION

Fear-Setting can be broken up into three distinct parts, each with a different purpose:

Part 1: Identify and contextualize your fears

Part 2: Understand the potential benefits of taking action

Part 3: Consider the consequences of not taking action

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Identify and contextualize your fears

BE HONEST! What are you afraid of? or Who? What are you guarding, hiding, avoiding, or denying? Are you afraid of death, illness or disease, pain, public speaking, losing your job, your spouse, your parents, etc? 

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Make a list:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

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Experience your fear

Choose ONE: Ideally your biggest, if not, second biggest. This fear is like a demon in your life. Is keeping you in bondage. So face it and get to know it better.

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The level of Anxiety I get with this fear (1-10 with 10 being the highest):

How does this fear show up in my life?

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What is this fear here to tell me?

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What is the opportunity behind this fear?

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If I had no fear, I would...

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Create a fear strategy

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Having a well-thought-out strategy to overcome your fear is essential because it equips you with the tools, techniques, and mindset needed to effectively confront and manage fear. It enables you to take proactive steps toward a more fulfilling and fearless life. Keep in mind that strategies may vary depending on the specific fear and individual preferences, so it's essential to choose or develop a strategy that suits your unique situation and needs.

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A clear plan of action helps you channel your energy and efforts toward specific steps and techniques that are likely to be effective. Break it Down! Break your plan into smaller, manageable tasks or steps. This makes it easier to take action on one piece at a time. Prioritize each tasks or actions are by level of anxiety so your manage your time and energy effectively.

Level

10.

9.

8.

7.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

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Part 2: Understand the Potential Benefits of Taking Action

Benefits: List all possible benefits of executing this plan.

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Part 3: Consider the consequences of not taking action

What are the costs of inaction? (Emotional, Physical, Financial, Mental, Etc.)

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Take Action

Ok, so you have a plan, that is the crucial first step, but action is what ultimately brings your plan to life and leads to results. Remember that taking action is a dynamic process. It involves learning, adapting, and making continuous efforts toward your goals. While planning provides direction, action is what ultimately transforms your aspirations into tangible results. 

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So, take that first step, and keep moving forward towards your goal(s).

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IDENTITY

At some point or another, we all ask ourselves existential questions such as who am I? Why am I here?  It’s all part of being a human. And whether you serve as a soldier, first responder or perhaps you’ve retired and are now living a regular life, there’s often a question of where does your identity come from.

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What defines you as a Service Member? Is it your uniform, your contract, your rank, your badge, or something else? Who are you when you take off that uniform? Do you also take off all that it represents? Do you lose all the qualities that you’ve worked so hard to develop, like discipline, focus, honesty, loyalty, selflessness, courage, etc.? These traits don't disappear just because you stop wearing a uniform; they stay with you. It is important to remember that the uniform is just a temporary part of your journey. What really matters is the person you’ve become as a result of wearing the uniform. Moreover, the people around you rely on you to uphold these qualities, starting with yourself.

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Remember all those battles you fought? All the physically demanding situations you had to face? Remember the warrior you are? He needs you, now more than ever. Only this time, the battle isn’t for the nation's freedom or to protect and serve your community, it’s for you. It will demand the same skills you have been so eager to use again.

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The Triangular Compass serves as a resource and support system to help you navigate these identity challenges and facilitate a smoother adjustment to civilian life.

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Identity refers to the distinct characteristics, qualities, beliefs, values, and attributes that define as an individual. It encompasses the sense of who you are and how you perceive yourself, as well as how others perceive you.

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It is multifaceted and can be shaped by a variety of factors, including personal experiences, cultural background, social interactions, roles and responsibilities, and more. It plays a fundamental role in shaping how you relate to yourself, others, and the world around you.

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It is important to note that identity is not fixed; it can evolve and change over time due to personal growth, new experiences, and changing circumstances. It's a dynamic and complex concept that plays a crucial role in shaping an individual's sense of self, their interactions with others, and their place in the world.

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Let’s kick things off with our first writing prompt. Reflect on your identity as a member of the military, veteran, or first responder community.  In the pages to follow, consider and discuss the challenges, strengths, and your own understanding of who you have been and who you now are as a member of your specific community. Share and provide examples of why and how you see yourself, or perhaps no longer see yourself, within that role and in the context of your own story and personal journey through your life.

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INSERT A FEW BLANK PAGES

How was that?  We hope you took advantage of this journaling opportunity as it offers a simple yet powerful way to improve your mental and emotional well-being by providing a private space for recording your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

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And by the way, a journaling practice provides you with various benefits, such as:

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Self-Reflection: It helps you understand your thoughts and emotions better.

Stress Reduction: Writing can relieve stress and anxiety.

Problem Solving: It aids in problem-solving and decision-making.

Goal Setting: You can track goals and progress.

Emotional Release: It provides a healthy outlet for emotions.

Memory Aid: Helps you remember important events and insights.

Creativity: Sparks creativity and ideas.

Personal Growth: Supports personal growth and self-improvement

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Speaking of personal growth and self-improvment. Mindset plays a pivotal role in shaping our attitudes, behaviors, and ultimately, our success. Do you have a fixed or growth mindset? Take a moment to complete this brief assessment.

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MINDSET SELF ASSESSMENT

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Read each statement and decide if it’s true or false for you. Circle your answer.

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1. If I have to work hard at something, it means that I’m not smart.

TRUE FALSE

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2. I like to try things that are hard.

TRUE FALSE

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3. When I make a mistake, I get embarrassed.

TRUE FALSE

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4. I like to be told I’m smart.

TRUE FALSE

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5. I usually quit when things get difficult or frustrating.

TRUE FALSE

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6. I don’t mind making mistakes, they help me learn.

TRUE FALSE

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7. There are some things I’ll never be good at.

TRUE FALSE

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8. Anyone can learn something if they work hard at it.

TRUE FALSE

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9. People are born stupid, average or smart, and can’t change it.

TRUE FALSE

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10. Doing my best makes me proud, even if it’s not perfect.

TRUE FALSE

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How many odd number statements did you think were true?  _____________

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How many even numbers statements did you think were true?  _____________

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Fixed mindset and growth mindset are two contrasting attitudes or beliefs about intelligence, abilities, and personal development. They were coined by psychologist Carol Dweck and describe how individuals approach challenges, setbacks, and learning.

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Fixed Mindset: In a fixed mindset, individuals believe that their abilities and intelligence are static traits that cannot be significantly changed. They perceive their talents and skills as innate and unchangeable. People with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges that might reveal their limitations, and they may become discouraged by failures. They often seek validation and avoid situations where they might make mistakes, as they fear that mistakes reflect negatively on their inherent abilities.

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Growth Mindset: A growth mindset, on the other hand, is characterized by the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed and improved through effort, learning, and perseverance. Those with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. They embrace setbacks as stepping stones toward improvement and are more likely to take risks and put in the effort required to achieve their goals. Feedback is valued as a way to learn and improve rather than as a judgment of their abilities.

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How do you think you did in your assessment?  Odd number statements are characteristics of a fixed mindset, while even numbered statements are characteristics of growth mindset. 

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Remember, a fixed mindset assumes that abilities are static and avoids challenges, while a growth mindset sees abilities as malleable and embraces challenges as a chance to improve. Dweck's research suggests that individuals with a growth mindset tend to achieve higher levels of success and personal fulfillment because they are more adaptable, resilient, and open to learning.

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CREATING A NEW IDENTITY

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Creating a new, healthier identity after experiencing a sense of loss or upheaval in one's life is important for several reasons:

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Adaptation and Resilience: Life is full of changes, challenges, and unexpected events. Adapting to new circumstances and redefining your identity allows you to build resilience. Embracing change and crafting a new identity can help you navigate difficulties with greater strength and flexibility.

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Psychological Healing: Loss, whether it's the loss of a job, a relationship, health, or any other aspect of your life, can lead to emotional pain and distress. Developing a new identity that aligns with your current reality can contribute to psychological healing. It gives you a fresh start and a positive focus, reducing the emotional burden of the loss.

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Personal Growth and Development: Reconstructing your identity presents an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. It encourages you to reflect on your values, strengths, and aspirations, leading to a deeper understanding of who you are and what you want in life.

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Empowerment and Control: Creating a new identity empowers you to take charge of your life. It's a proactive step that allows you to shape your narrative and direction. This sense of agency can boost your self-esteem and confidence.

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Building a Positive Future: A new, healthier identity sets the stage for a positive future. It allows you to leave behind negative patterns or associations from your past and embrace a more constructive and fulfilling life.

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Improved Well-being: Embracing change and cultivating a new identity can contribute to improved mental and emotional well-being. It helps you let go of negativity and promotes a more positive mindset.

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Reclaiming Control: When you feel that you've lost who you are, it's common to experience a loss of control over your life. Creating a new identity empowers you to regain control and define your path moving forward.

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Relationships and Social Connections: As you redefine yourself, you may find it easier to connect with others who share your new interests, values, or goals. This can lead to more meaningful and supportive relationships.

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Reshaping Perspectives: Creating a new identity can reshape how you view yourself and the world around you. It allows you to focus on possibilities and opportunities rather than dwelling on what you've lost.

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Inspiration for Others: Your journey of recreating your identity can inspire others who may be going through similar experiences. Your ability to adapt and thrive can serve as a model for resilience and personal growth.

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Remember that creating a new identity doesn't mean completely discarding your past self. It involves integrating the positive aspects of your previous identity with the new insights and experiences you've gained. This process is highly individual and may require time, self-reflection, and perhaps even professional support if the loss you've experienced is particularly challenging.

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BEST POSSIBLE FUTURE EXERCISE

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The best possible self exercise involves a writing activity where you envision your ideal future where everything in your life is going well, such as a successful business, a happy family life, and financial stability. That may not sound like it would make a big difference, but it's big enough to have been measured in multiple studies by researchers Johannes Bodo Heekerens and Michael Eid of Freie University in Berlin. The study found a small yet measurable increase in positive affect and optimism in the participants. 

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The researchers found that the best possible self exercise improved positive affect and positive expectations, and reduced goal ambivalence, both right after the exercise and up to a week later. Imagine what happens when you repeat the best possible self exercise on a regular basis and see how it produces a sustained improvement in optimism over time and it’s ability to reduce symptoms of depression.

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Are you're ready to give it a shot? You’re just going to take some time to visualize that life and write a description, in as much detail as you like, of how that life would be. 

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Visualize your best possible future self.

Select a time in the future -- it could be ten years from now, or six months from now. Imagine yourself in that future where things have gone right. 

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Please ensure to visualize something you can realistically see yourself doing. The point is not to visualize your greatest fantasy, but a best possible future that is attainable in the real world.

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Once you pick your future time frame, spend a few moments mentally exploring it. What do see yourself doing?  What does your life look like? How would you feel? Where would you be? Who would you be with? 

2. Spend 10 minutes writing it down.

Now spend 10 minutes writing a description of that future. Write it in as much detail as possible (don’t be vague or abstract). Answer questions about your future life, or simply write about how it feels to have achieved most of your goals. 

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Don't worry about getting it "right," just write whatever comes to mind. Don't overthink it and don't worry about things like grammar and spelling. After all, unless you decide otherwise, no one is ever going to see this but you.

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And that's it! 

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This exercise can have a positive impact on your mood and perspective on life, potentially, lasting up to a week. You can experiment with various versions of the exercise by envisioning your ideal self in different areas of your life. In fact, this might be a good weekly ritual, maybe something to do every Sunday evening to start the week off right. Give it a try!

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