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The Worst Boaters in History of Mankind

Gear + Kits
Gear + Kits
January 2, 2019
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Gun owners seem to be the worst boaters in the history of mankind, but also some of the best. I mean how else honestly do you explain the fact that somehow all of the now illegal firearm accessories were lost in tragic boating accidents, but also no boaters were harmed in the process. It's weird, right?Game Wardens across the nation, as well as the United States Coast Guard, are perplexed as the number of boating accidents that people are claiming doesn't seem to correlate with their reported numbers."It's just odd," said Rear Admiral Chester O'Toole, head of the USCG's Department of Maritime Safety, "Every time a new gun control measure goes into effect, we see a spike in reported boating accidents, without having any actual accident scenes."Such an odd correlation that restricting second amendment rights would somehow affect the ability to pilot any sort of watercraft or boat or ship. What is even more surprising is that people who did not have access to a lake or even a boat were now reporting items as lost during a boating accident. We assume that these people have friends or something like a friend who allowed them on their boat with said firearms.An anonymous game warden reached out to us to comment on these strange happenings stating that "I don't think there were any boating accidents, I think the people are just lying and hiding their now illegal bump stocks and thirty round magazines."Of course, we deemed his tip to be a prank call from some pesky teenagers. After all who would lie to the government about their guns or firearm accessories, certainly nobody we know. While this epidemic of boating accidents without accident scenes or insurance claims continues to plague the nation on the heels of any anti-second amendment legislation, we will continue to search for answers.

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