Trial by combat
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Trial by Combat Stalled Because of Typo

January 15, 2020
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Did you know trial by combat has never been made specifically illegal in the United States? In fact, in 2016, a New Mexico Supreme Court Judge acknowledged duels have not been abolished.This is where this soon-to-be-infamous story begins...David Ostrom, an absolute legend, lives in Kansas. However, Ostrom's ex-wife lives in Iowa with their kids. Apparently, David is sick and tired of his ex and her lawyer.  (I mean, aren't we all!?)  So what would you expect a man to do when faced with heartbreak, financial burden, and being separated from his children?If you answered: "Demand trial by combat and request 12 weeks lead time to forge a Japanese sword!" You would be correct! (...and someone I'd want to go party in Vegas with!)

Ostrom, 40, said he would face off against either his ex-wife or her lawyer, who could act as her champion.The lawyer shit a brick and immediately filed a resistance to the order by citing a spelling error! Ostrom stated he wanted to meet his ex and her attorney on the field of battle.

"...where I will REND THEIR SOULS from their corporal (sic) bodies,"  Ostrom exclaimed.

The lawyer, Matthew Harlan, stated that "corporeal" was spelled incorrectly.  He urged the court to determine that child support and tax disputes did not warrant a duel, especially one that could result in death.  Harlan also filed to block Ostrom from seeing his kids until undergoing a mental evaluation.

Ostrom replied by basically saying "Ok fancy lawman, I don't spell so good, but catch me outside how 'bout dat?" He then mentioned he didn't specifically mean to 'kill' the rival, but would allow them to live if they yielded during the fight.

Unsurprisingly, the courts have yet to reach a final decision on the matter, and apparently, the judge was pissed at both sides. Could he be mad at Ostrom for being so brash or at Harlan for shamefully denying the call to defend his client's honor?

Our attempts to reach Ostrom were unsuccessful as he is no doubt preparing his mind and body for the fight of his life. If this fight miraculously were to happen you can be sure of two things: A lot less people would be offended if they thought they might have to back up their grievance with steel, and I'll be in the crowd, recording the fight poorly, yelling "Worldstar!"

19 April Editor's Note:  Mr. Ostrom contacted us stating we have a couple of errors within the article.  First, the lawyer's last name is Hudson and the trial is taking place in Harlan, Iowa.  Second, he stated "I cite a case in NY State where Philip G Minardo acknowledges Trial by Combat IS LEGAL and AVAILABLE in NY STATE.

"We are working with Mr. Ostrom to conduct a full follow up to this story so stay tuned!

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