You Might Feel a Little Pinch

Most of us remember the days where if you didn’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, someone would inevitably pinch you. Or at least attempt to. This practice has its roots in a relatively recent American tradition, and is meant to mimic the tricky nature of leprechauns… But there are a few things about the pinch that should be addressed.

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Wearing green came to mean hiding yourself from leprechaun mischief somehow, but as we stated in another post, leprechauns traditionally wear red, not green. Following that logic, getting pinched for not wearing red makes more sense. (This is why I wear my red underwear on that particular holiday.) 

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The next issue to address is getting pinched… For some, it results in a jump and cry, but no retribution. For others… Well, if you’ve been in the military for any period of time, the end result is entirely different. Pinch a Marine (which would be weird considering we prefer that earth tone vibe) and the immediate response is indiscriminate violence. You don’t become the toughest fighting force on the planet without developing a twitchy paranoia which reacts with equal force to a surprise assault, and maybe a dislocated jaw may not be the best reward for pulling of this pinch.

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Instead of taking part in a ‘tradition’ that might cause you to get knocked out like Deebo, maybe there are better ways of commemorating Irish American heritage. Green or Red beer is a good start, followed up by some Irish cuisine and some Irish whiskey. At least with this seemingly tamer version, you might focus on something more productive… 

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Like getting one of those rare and dangerous gingers to give you the time of day. Keep in mind that more redheads are Scottish than Irish, but the only real difference is a Scot will break you in the best way. (That whole country is an M.C. Esher painting, so thick thighs are a given.)

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This St. Patrick’s Day, carefully consider the idea of pinching your friends, and what the repercussions may be. Proportional response isn’t always the standard reaction, so be prepared for what may happen as a result. I for one will have that knife hand locked and loaded.