The Future Is Now

Do you have trouble finding love? Are you a mad scientist who is just...misunderstood and lonely, so lonely and sadly alone, there's no one just me only...ahem sorry we got carried away by our tears. This is 2018 (or 2019 depending on when you see this) guys, you can do anything you like. The time for loneliness is gone, a thing of the past and the future is now! How do we know?Simple. You can now marry holograms. That's right a computer and light waves will be programmed to love you and care for you as best as light waves can. It won't feed you or f*** you, but it can talk to you about all of your problems and that dickhead Barry at work.Now granted, this happened in Japan and well...ever since we dropped a gigantic bomb on them...well they've been peaceful, albeit they've been weird as hell, but peaceful. Anyways you too can be just like Akihiko Kondo who wed his favorite bae, a hologram of Hatsune Miku...who is apparently um...16...now wait just a damn minute. She's 16!C'mon now guys, we can't be letting 16-year-old holograms get married to 35-year-old men, that just...the patriarchy and the underagedness of the whole ordeal. Luckily the marriage isn't legal (so they say), and Hatsune's dad who has vowed vengeance upon Kondo has met with some difficulties...like the fact that he can't actually hold anything or hurt anyone (unless you know, the rise of machines, then like...you know big trouble)We'll say this as we always do. We know America has its problems and we're weird and sometimes really...really stupid, like watching more than two episodes of "Vanderpump Rules" stupid, but we're not off marrying holograms, especially underage holograms. While the future is now, we're quite happy to sit back and not try to wed floating beams of light.Don't try to marry a hologram folks. It's weird.