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Marines vs. Coast Guard: Battle for Supremacy

January 11, 2018
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This week our random number generator (Ted from accounting), generated a battle that...well, we're pretty sure this is going to be extremely one-sided. The Marines vs. Coast Guard (this will be ugly). The Coast Guard is really good at its job don't get us wrong, but we're just not sure they really have any leg to stand on with the other branches as far as actual punching power. They complained a lot though and got in on the competition. Don't say we didn't warn you, puddle pirates.The Coast Guard came out all guns blazing, all six of them. Just kidding, they don't have that many guns. The Coasties, as tough as they may be only have about 1400 vessels and they aren't armed with anything bigger than a 76 mm machine gun. In all seriousness (but not really) the Coast Guard had one opportunity to strike and win against the Marine Corps. Gather all of their ships of various sizes and attack en masse headquarters Marine Corps. That proved to be a fatal plan of action.

Marines Vs. Coast Guard

The Coast Guard did just that and it was a disaster. Our 'advanced warfare simulation computer' (Bill) was 'like totally shocked at the righteous firepower' the Marine Corps was able to rain down on the Coast Guard. The Marine Corps Air Ground Task Forces (MAGTF) made short work of the pithy Coast Guard ships, and what forces were able to wade to shore were quickly subdued by Marine Corps infantry units whose sole purpose in life is 'To locate, close with, and destroy the enemy, by fire and maneuver, or repel the enemy assault by fire and close combat.'

Marines Vs. Coast Guard

We know this week wasn't very exciting, and we're sorry, but the Coast Guard wanted to play. With the Air Force still licking their wounds from last week, the Marine Corps was the next closest in numbers to the Coast Guard. Could you imagine the carnage if the Coast Guard had to fight the Navy or the Army? Also, it was totally random thanks to our random number generator (Ted from accounting). This week as we're sure you guessed in the battle of the Marines vs. Coast Guard, the Marines won, handily.

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