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Black Friday Defense: Best Fighting Moves

November 23, 2018
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While many of you have returned home, victorious from the skirmish that is Black Friday shopping, we know there are still some of you out there, fighting for deals. We are also aware of the fact that many of you were also not victorious because a soccer mom in Uggs double fisting Peppermint Mocha Lattes (no soy) whipped your bitch ass. It's ok, and in another setting, you may have actually enjoyed that cougar spanking your bare ass. This time just embarrassing.We here at American Grit decided to let you in on a few of our fighting tricks and secrets that some of you may still be able to use today, or at the very least, you'll remember for next year so you don't get embarrassed by the Queen of Spin Class from the local YMCA club.Tip #1. Bring hot beverages. You can "trip" and "spill" them on people who are trying to take the last bargain toaster. You can even say something tough like "Now you're toasted biotch!"Tip #2. Elbows are your friends, you were just reaching up to scratch your nose, not your fault that your elbow happened to break the nose of Steve, you know the guy who won't return your hedge clippers.Tip #3. Hardcore jostling. Even if nobody is pushing you, just play it off that somebody bumped into you and rock the absolute shit out of people nearby. It's more of an area effect tactic, but make sure when you jostle them, you put them down for the count, you don't need people coming back for revenge. Check Debbie into the shopping cars and she won't be giving you trouble.Tip #4. Scarves are great for choking out a mofo that was bold enough to try and stop you from getting that Ninja blender on sale for six dollars. Remember, they can eventually wake up...(if you do a bad job) so make sure once you scarf them up, you get your shopping done really quick!Those are the only tips for Black Friday combat we'll share, after all, we can't tell you everything, we don't want you kicking our ass with our own tricks!

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