The time for denial is gone. It's time to accept the facts, Bigfoot is an operator. How do we know? Through examining his behavior through a multitude of videos and images, we've come up with a definitive list of reasons as to why Bigfoot is from the special operations community.It should be no surprise once we lay out the reasons why. You'll find yourself asking "Why didn't I see it before?" That's ok, we'll admit it took us some time to see it as well.We're not sure what branch or what unit Bigfoot is with, but we'll assume the Army since he's made his home in the mountains, far from oceans and such, and lacking the distinct smell of tea trea oil common among amphibious special operators.
- Bigfoot has the best operator beard. In a world where the level of operatorness is judged by your ability to grow a beard, Bigfoot reigns supreme. Despite how great your beard is, you cannot compete with the mysterious mountain man/ape.
- He is extremely hard to find. Many special operators abide by the rule of "Don't get caught." After all, if you get caught what's the point of being clandestine special operations? To talk about it like the kid down the street who looks no older than 16, but swears he's a DELTA SEAL Sniper Sapper Ranger Pathfinder AirborneRecon Scout?
- He's in incredible physical shape. To be that large and to move as quickly over rough terrain as he does, Bigfoot (like most operators) are got' damn PT studs, ya hear me. Check that, PT gods. Bigfoot is no different as far as physical prowess goes.
- Probably doesn't need a gun to kill you. Like most operators, Bigfoot is probably very proficient in hand to hand combat. He doesn't need a gun as his immense size and ability to blend into his background allows him to sneak up and kill even the most vigilant of guards.
You can disagree, but we don't care because this is satire. Congratulations you just played yourself.