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Citizen Cage Match: Settling Disputes in the Ring

November 20, 2018
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Yeah...a citizen cage match series would be great! Speaking of which we searched far and wide, the only place that we could find documented examples on the books of the "Mutual Combat" law as we'll call it, where two participants can show up, duke it out and nobody face any sort of criminal or civil charges, is in Washington state. Which is super ironic considering what goes on in the capital there. That is however way beside the point. The point we're trying to make is that we should be able to challenge folks to a cage match to settle minor or even major beef.Got a problem with your neighbor Tom because his shrubs keep crossing the property line? Fight it out! Did Sheila steal the last blueberry muffin at work? How about a knee to the face Sheila!?Look, the court systems are backed up with trivial civil and criminal cases. This method would reduce the burden on our criminal justice system by at least two people (we hate that guy Roger from across the street he blows his leaves into our driveway with a smug ass grin that we just want to wipe off his face) and given what we've seen from the internet lately, a whole shitload more of you wanna fight each other too!The other great benefit of this new law is that it'd definitely reduce the number of "tough" motherf***ers. They might suddenly disappear when they realize they can't say some shit from behind the safety of their computer screen anymore. We could even charge to watch the fights, creating a slew of new entrepreneurs and jobs.The only disadvantage is that a few folks might end up getting broken jaws, loose or missing teeth, severe bruising, a taste of their own medicine, a slice of humble pie, and a severe case of not starting shit anymore.If only The Founding Fathers had all been Marines! The 6th Amendment of the Constitution would have read.

"...of counsel for his defense. Two persons with beef shall have the option to settle the dispute with a bout of fisticuffs, because we don't wish for a country of little bitches."

Citizen cage matches for the future of mankind and all my ill-shit with Roger from across the street!

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