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Gender-Neutral Santa Claus

December 20, 2018
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It's got to be the work of a great troll. A gender-neutral Santa Claus. Getting folks all riled up over an imaginary man who rides in a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer. This absolutely, positively has got to be one of the best jokes perpetrated on American society in the last 15 years.Quite honestly even if it was real, it's such a laughable premise. How do we figure?Well first off, from the Norse religion, Odin was the one who used to go around giving gifts this time of year. Odin was most definitely a dude. Seeing as how he was the Alföðr or Allfather...last time we checked, dudes were fathers and the ladies were the mothers. And while we may have taken two semesters of Anatomy and Physiology in college, it didn't take us both of them to figure out that whole conundrum.

Santa Claus

Second, Saint Nicholas, which Santa is also loosely based off of (in combination with Odin), was also most definitely a dude. There are pictures of him, he was a real person. He lived during the time of the Roman Empire in the city of Myra. Using our keen powers of deception.

Santa Claus

Thirdly, he has a beard and is married to a lady. Mrs. Claus has told us personally that "Oh Mr. Claus is aallllll that is man and then some!"Yes, this is now a mental image you have in your head as well. If you don't want us putting these images there, then don't go around trying to force an agenda on Santa Claus.Seriously, can we just accept that Santa Claus is a dude and will always be a dude? Is it really that important to get worked up over and feed whatever troll started this? We think not. Sometimes this shit goes way too far.Plus, what's next Rudolph is a transitioning donkey? (This line courtesy "Keepin' it Real" Dan E.)

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