Grunt Style Funny Shorts: The Safety Brief

There is age-old wisdom that passes seamlessly through all the branches of the military. The shorter the safety brief, the better the safety brief. It doesn't matter if you're Army, Air Force, Navy or the Marine Corps. Long safety briefs suck and nobody wants to sit through them.[caption id="attachment_15416" align="alignnone" width="751"]

Ok guys, I'm gonna keep this short...j/k You'll all die here[/caption]Somehow though they always end up being long. We know that it's just the unit commanders trying to cover their ass, but the truth is, nobody cares dude (yeah I said dude, I got my DD214). One of three things always happens. Either the commanding officer, platoon commander, platoon sergeant or whoever, is extremely long winded and enjoys hearing the sound of their voice. They will hit the same key point about five or six times, but each in a slightly different way than the last, "So be a good Marine and don't drink and drive, which reminds me, it's always good to have a designated driver, because we shouldn't be drinking and driving Marines, mmk?"[caption id="attachment_15415" align="alignnone" width="750"]

This is soo long and forever-taking!!![/caption]The second thing that will happen is "That Guy" will show up. He will ask every single assinine question you could ever think of. Why, because he likes to have his life extremely micromanaged, he needs to have someone tell him how to breathe basically. He usually gets haze....extra training because obviously, he needs it. The third and final thing that will happen is that your unit is so full of shitbags that whoever is in charge HAS to take the time to explicitly talk your entire unit out of being degenerates.[caption id="attachment_15414" align="alignnone" width="749"]

Leeeeerrrrrrooooooyyyyy JENNKINSSSS[/caption]Whichever one it is though, it usually cuts into your weekend plans. This can be made especially worse if you're just coming out of a three-week-long field op in Twentynine Palms. Just let us leave already, don't keep us from our coveted weekend liberty any longer.