Last week we covered a story where Iran said that the United States was most certainly behind the attacks on their military parade which left many members of the Revolutionary Guard dead and many more wounded. Iran stated that due to the United States involvement in the attack...quick segway here, we wouldn't be mad if we were behind it because nobody likes Iran anyways, anyways...Iran stated that it would retaliate against the United States for the involvement.So what did Iran do? They attacked militants in Syria because apparently, Iran sucks at geography. We know that Syria is obviously no ally of the United States, but vowing to attack the United States, then attacking someone completely different...well we're just laughing because we know exactly how the conversation went.To the media and on TV Iran was all like:"Death to America, we'll get you for this attack on our parade, we'll totally demolish your capitalist empire you infidel scum!"But then behind closed doors, they were all like:"Dudes we should totally attack Syrian rebels because if we launch a first strike on the United States, they are most certainly going to make us their prison bitch in like no time at all. Did you see what they did to Saddam? We fought him for like ten years and didn't get anywhere, they kicked his ass in three weeks!!!" Let's shoot at Syria instead, everyone will blame them anyway."So now you have what happened today, Iran shot missiles into Syria because nobody, not even China is dumb enough to pick a fight that would galvanize and inspire the entire United States to band together to beat some ass like it was WW2 all over again.
Either way, we don't want to beat this dead horse too much, but we do want to keep you all updated in case these Iranian assholes try some stupid shit and we unleash the pent-up fury and nicotine-induced rage of the United States military.