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Iranian 2nd Lieutenant Indicted - Tensions Rise

June 14, 2019
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Look, if our 2nd Lieutenants can't find their way off of a Land Nav course, what makes anyone here think that the Iranian equivalent commanding a patrol boat is any better or more tactically sound. Below we will paint a picture of what probably happened via conversation and follow-on action by the IRGC Navy.Mind you this is all presumptuous, but you's likely. So we're going to run with it.

2nd Lieutenant: Alright the attacks were mostly successful, but one mine didn't go off. We need to get it back so they can't trace the attack back to us.Crewman: Alright sir, but it's like broad daylight and the United States Navy is probably definitely like...surveilling the area.2nd Lieutenant: Nonsense! Take the patrol boat to the tanker right away!Crewman: Sir wouldn't it be better to wait for nightfall or like...maybe send a diver or something.2nd Lieutenant: Do I have to repeat myself a third time?!

Crewman: No sir....hours later...

Crewman: Yeah see, the entire world saw us take that limpet mine off the tanker.2nd Lieutenant: Well, you took the boat over there so this is on you. May Allah forgive you.Crewman: Dude, wtf? You ordered me too!2nd Lieutenant: Wow, we are so incredibly boned...but to be did drive to the tanker, you could have refused.Crewman: What would have happened had I refused.2nd Lieutenant: Oh...I definitely would have shot you on the spot and dumped your lifeless corpse over the side.Crewman: Thanks for the options...*muttering* f***ing officers making simple shit hard.

Anyways, as you can tell from our highly accurate dramatization. It really was the 2nd Lieutenants fault. Last time we saw this particular officer, he was headed to headquarters wearing his brown pants. We're not sure if we'll see that guy again.

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