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Man Refuses to Pay Taxes During Government Shutdown

January 9, 2019
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A man from Idaho found himself in deep trouble amidst the government shutdown after deciding that if the government really was shut down then he didn't need to pay taxes. And really, who can fault him? If the government is shut down, what do they need our money for? Richard Hertz, who usually goes by Dick, stated that "I don't get paid when I don't work, why should they?"That statement while accurate and totally sensible, landed Dick Hertz in some hot water with the IRS this week after they didn't receive half of his paycheck as was the norm. Federal agents conducted a raid on Mr. Hertz's home where he was taken down with less than lethal means...a bean bag fired from a shotgun hit Mr. Hertz squarely in his groin. Upon being taken into custody, IRS agents made a formal statement regarding this type of behavior."While the government may be shut down, the IRS is still hard at work ensuring that Uncle Sam gets his."When asked to comment on the shutdown and if it would affect people getting their tax returns, the senior accountant in charge told us that,"Look we're here to get money, not give money. All nonessential functions are shut down, so no, you won't get your money until we've good and wasted...err spent it on necessary infrastructure."The Idaho native was released on bail provided he pay the government back with interest on the money he stole from them. Our reporters again reached out to the IRS asking if it was a little bit hypocritical of them to put those conditions on Dick Hertz since they don't pay interest on the money they borrow from the citizens each year. Their reply will most certainly shock you."No."We asked them to clarify their answer and explain why it wasn't hypocritical of them to treat the American public like this."Cause f*** em, that's why! No more questions!"(p.s. satire)

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