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Marines Draw Phallic Shape with New Weapon

July 15, 2019
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Marine Corps Base Camp Pendelton, Oceanside California:Marines from 5th Marines used and abused the new Compact Laser Weapon System (CLaWS), designed to take out small drones, to draw a giant dick-shaped firebreak on the side of the famous Alpha Shelf while in transit to a range. Visible to the naked eye and to aircraft flying at altitude, the giant dick well...look why did we give Marines this type of technology? Who thought this wouldn't happen?We knew you shouldn't have given the Compact Laser Weapon System (CLaWS) to the Marine Corps...like Boeing, you guys are not making sense, first the 737 Max issues, now you give this highly advanced piece of equipment to Marines...we all should have seen this coming.The Marines involved in the drawing were all NJP'd as a result, but none of them truly seemed remorseful, especially the Lance Corporal who manned the weapon system and drew the phallic shape on the mountainside."Hell yeah, I did that shit, fortune favors the bold or some shit that some smart dude from history said. Betcha I go down in the history of the Marine Corps though," said Lance Corporal Magnus Richárd as he spit a fat dip from the side of his mouth.The vehicle commander was equally as nonchalant about the act, despite being dropped in rank from Corporal to Lance Corporal. Now Lance Corporal Michael Och had this to say;"Look, sometimes, you only have one chance to go down in history and have your name remembered for all time. What kind of leader would I be if I denied that opportunity to my Marines? I'm here for them and them alone. You gotta enjoy the small things, I'll pick up Corporal again after a few months anyway and then I'll EAS, IDGAF."While civilians and commanders are upset, the Naval aviators responsible for both sky penis drawings reached out to the young Marines congratulating them on their endeavor, saying how much they knew was risked, but that they really appreciated the sportsmanship of the Marines for doing what they could with the tools provided.The Compact Laser Weapon System has since been installed only on vehicles with an officer present to prevent further incidents.

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