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Poll: Worst Branches to Date Ranked

September 1, 2023
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Poll by Pop Smoke Media 

The military is a notoriously toxic environment to try to date. Nevertheless, service men and women constantly have their radar on for any potential blip of romance. With joint bases, missions, and training, the branches interact a lot. Spoiler alert: a lot of military relations go sideways.

We took a poll of our audience and asked who was the worst branch to date. Then, we asked for truthful explanations for their vote. We sorted through thousands of responses to bring you a verdict. Results are ranked best (4) to worst (1), along with some of the unflattering things our audience had to say about their experience dating each branch.

4. Air Force

  • “Air Force, arrogant and boring. Marines are much better company.”
  • “Wimps who are overly emotional but… they buy you drinks.”
  • “Pretty to look at, but ego too fragile to hold.”
  • “Pilots are hot but they’re the biggest f*ck boys in the world!”
  • “Air Force guys have big heads. Like we get it your recruiter said you were smart.”

3. Navy

  • “Best part of the relationship was when he was out to sea.”
  • “Navy: Drunks who are obsessed with b*tt stuff…”
  • “Can’t trust a Sailor within 50 miles of a brothel.”
  • “My Navy ex told all 4 of his girlfriends they were the only one.”
  • “Young sailors only care about partying, old ones only care about work. Avoid both.”

2. Army

  • “Rangers lead the way? Yeah straight to doc to get more penicillin.”
  • “Army, drill sergeants. Will bone any PFC dumb enough to fall for the ‘tough guy’ routine.”
  • “Army. Dated several army guys and they use me for my cash and car. Also rude to my disabled sister.”
  • “Why does every soldier on tinder make the same stupid face?”
  • “Never date a soldier who won’t post you to their social. They’re hiding something.”

1. Marines

  • “Marines will say honor courage commitment and have 2 families.”
  • “Female Marines are just a bad as male Marines, both are PLAYERS.”
  • “They call themselves devil dogs because they’ll chew ***any*** piece of meat.”
  • “Marines. Married/dated two of them. Both selfish, unreasonable, nasty drunks.”
  • “Marines, my husband sucks.”

 Additional considerations

Any poll is only as strong as the data it encompasses. Though this is only meant to be taken as a fun way for PSM followers to vent about bad relationships, the analytics provided a unique glimpse into the pulse of military dating.

  • Despite being the smallest branch, Marines received nearly half (41%) of the votes.
  • The sample polled was comprised of an exceptionally diverse audience.
  • The votes included both straight and gay relationships.
  • Both men and women voiced their opinions.
  • Responders varied from those who just joined to retirees.

Correlation is not causation, but it is not surprising the branch with the poorest quality of life also had the worst notoriety in dating.

Take all this with a grain of salt, but a valuable lesson would be that service-members, as a whole, could stand to do a little better. We all make mistakes, but certain actions can deteriorate the reputation of an entire organization, and no one wants to be the bad guy in someone else’s story.

We can all hold ourselves, and each other, just a little more accountable. Especially, since matters of the heart have a direct link to combat readiness, and mental health resiliency.

Stay safe out there!

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