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President of Iran Hassan Rouhani Butthurt He Didn't Get Sanctioned

June 25, 2019
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When it comes to trash talking... 8-year-olds in a Call of Duty lobby would rip apart Iranian President Hassan Rouhani with the weak ass shade he's throwin'. President Rouhani stated, “The White House is afflicted by mental retardation and does not know what to do.” That's it? That's what he's got? What a loser!He's obviously mad. Why? This dude is such a lame duck figurehead that our administration totally ignored sanctioning him. We can just imagine the conversation leading up to it...

Bob (from the State Department): "Ok, so we've got the Supreme Leader and these military commanders...anyone else we need to level sanctions on?"Kyle (from the NSA): "No, I don't really think so..."Sam (from the Pentagon): "what about the president...Mr. Hassan Rouhani."Bob & Kyle in unison: "Like...why though?"Bob: "He ain't gonna do shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. lulz" 

But...ol' Rouhani is mad about it. So mad that instead of shooting down a drone, (because he'd have to be someone of significance, will real authority for him to order that strike), he lashed out with a really just generic no effort lame ass insult. Rouhani should partner with Apple and make a new device called the iMad, specifically made for butthurt little bitches.Are the sanctions going to be effective? If only to further divide the countries leadership then...we'll say yeah. Rouhani isn't really liked by the hardliners in Tehran. Dudes like the Supreme Leader are not fans of Rouhani and the fact that the United States ignored him in the new sanctions, it's kind of like being kicked out of the cool kids club in Tehran. Any chance that Rouhani had at being one of the guys in Tehran is pretty much gone now.A secret recording of Rouhani complaining to one of his top aides was discovered shortly after he released his statement.

"It's not fair! I chant 'Death to America! Death to Israel!' just like everyone else. I tried to get us nuclear weapons and what do I get? Ignored. Supreme Leader Khamenei and his friends are totally going to make fun of me now because the U.S. won't punish me. I'm IMPORTANT!!!"

The recording ended with what had to be sounded like a baby crying.

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