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PSA: Ice Cream Pops and Your Vagina Don't Mix

July 29, 2019
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Oh boy, we wish we were joking. Doctors shouldn't have to say this and we shouldn't have to say this, but... Here. We. Go. With the summer heat in full swing, people...well actually ladies, have resorted to sticking popsicles or 'ice lollies' up their vaginas. Yes, we said exactly what you think we said. We'll give you a moment to process... Doctors have warned ladies not to stick that icy treat in their front hole...hehehe someone bet us that we couldn't use front hole seriously in an article. Looks like Ben from accounts payable owes us $50, suck it, Ben."Gee Katherine, whatcha gonna do with that Rocket Pop?"Has anyone ever seen A Christmas Story? We do know what happens when sensitive tissues get exposed to the extreme cold right?Some might be thinking that hey, they use icepacks near the groin for people overheating, you're just taking the next logical step, after all, people get their temperature taken internally, why can't you cool yourself down internally? That would be a dumb thought process, in fact, it might just be a THOT process if you get our gist.While an icepack near the groin is a great way to combat heat-related issues, just like an icepack underneath the armpits, jamming a popsicle up the good ol fashioned water slide for babies, is not the greatest of ideas. According to doctors and not our own personal experience (don't get a lot of visitors in our parent's basement), the vagina is apparently made up of very sensitive and delicate tissue. The popsicle could become...uh stuck and cause big-time damage to the sensitive tissue. Also, a great way to get an infection, according to doctors, again not our own personal experience.Like a year and a half ago, we had to tell people to both, pump their own gas and to not eat Tide, we're not even sure if we're peaking with this PSA telling all the wonderful people who feel the oppressive rays of our sun heating them up like a Poptart in a toaster, not to stick popsicles up their front holes (that's double Ben, now it's $100, you are so fukt).So people, to avoid our medical insurance rates getting hiked again, do not, please, we repeat DO NOT stick a popsicle up your vagina. We will all laugh at you, then we will all throw rocks at you for your totally avoidable hospital visit. Fuckin' popsicles.

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