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U.S. vs. Iran: Seeking the Ultimate Solution

June 25, 2019
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Pants Off-Dance Off. Yeah. You read that right. This way nobody gets hurt and we finally put an end to this petty squabbling between the two nations. If the United States wins, Tehran has to stop supporting Hezbollah, Hamas, and all their other proxies as well as give up their ambitions for nuclear weapons. If Iran wins, the United States leaves the Persian Gulf, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Ten contestants from each side will battle it out. 5 male, 5 female. Iran can use 10 dudes because well...we all know why. But it's gonna be a major disadvantage.In case you're wondering what a Pants Off-Dance Off is, it's very simple. It's all in the name. Each contestant has to remove their pants and have a dance-off with an opponent from the other side. Why the pants off though? Why not just a dance-off? Because you simpletons, anyone can dance clothed. A regular dance off would be too easy! We needed to up the stakes of the competition just a little bit. The real challenge is having enough confidence to dance like nobody is watching with your wedding tackle hanging out. That...THAT IS WHERE CHAMPIONS ARE MADE!!War is easy, point the weapon and make it go boom. Simple point and click interface. Dancing and doing so in your tighty whiteys, or if you so choose commando... now that's a difficult task for only the bravest of warriors!Who will judge? Well, we figure that the best way to select the judges would be to select 9 judges. Iran and the United States would each get one judge. Then other regional countries, so Kuwait and Yemen. Countries with a history of neutrality, like Switzerland, Spain, and Sweden. Finally, the best friends of each nation, so one seat for Russia and one seat to Britain. Fair, no?With this solution comes tons of benefits. First off, nobody dies and the logistics of flying 20 people total versus entire militaries...way less strain. Also, there will be a decisive winner. There won't be years of insurgency and uncertainty within Iran like there most assuredly would be if we invaded.So we're saving lives, saving money, and saving infrastructure.Plus...we have are we not going to win?

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