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Unpopular Opinion: Trick-or-Treating Is for Adults Too

October 30, 2018
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Trick or treating is for adults too. And we deserve better treats, like vodka, whiskey and bad decisions made by girls named Cinnamon or Candy. Look we know it may not seem appropriate to you but we feel like we have a pretty decent argument in support of trick or treating for adults.It's not that we think kids shouldn't trick or treat either, it's that we think this frightful holiday is meant for everyone. No age discrimination on Halloween! No age discrimination on Halloween! It'll catch on, just keep chanting it while we explain ourselves.First point, why do kids NEED a day all their own to live in a make-believe world? They don't, that is literally your entire life as a child. One moment you're the commander of a spacecraft assaulting the alien planet of Klendathu, the next you're on the high seas living life as a pirate or a pirate hunter, then a half hour later you're John friggin Rambo patroling the jungle for enemy soldiers. Literally, every single day of childhood is lived in a make believe and imagination.Do you know who really needs a break from reality? People with bills and student loan debt. People that show up to work drunk just hoping they'll get fired because if that bitch Becky from accounts receivable says one more thing about my outfit we will cut a bitch. Adults need a day where they can pretend that their property taxes aren't rising and their teenage kids didn't just wreck their car. Adults need a break, a break from the reality of adult life.Second point, why do kids get to have a monopoly on getting treats. We like candy too! Granted ours is soaked in booze, but it doesn't mean we don't like it. They don't even do anything to earn the treats except live in that make-believe world.You know what adults do? We deal with people that don't know that merging on the freeway works like a zipper. We put food on tables and lights on in houses. Do you see anyone handing out candy to us for no reason other than dressing up in a costume? No, you don't!It's straight up bullshit we tell you, BULLSHIT! We will no longer stand for it.Trick or treating is for adults too and we won't back down!

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