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Vegans and Cocaine

November 15, 2018
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Yup. Yeah just take a moment to soak in that title. Apparently, there is a huge cocaine problem in the vegan community. Not that we really pay too much attention to vegans and their non-steak loving ways, but this...this was too good to not touch. According to an opinion piece in the Metro, a British news agency, cocaine use is extremely high in the vegan community.We should have guessed it too, I mean with how dull your life must be not eating meat or drinking alcohol (which unbeknownst to me, a lot of booze isn't vegan-friendly), you've got to have something to spice up your life. Enter nose candy, the booger sugar. After all how dull can your life be if everything you're doing is at the speed of light (metaphorically of course, if you actually hit the speed of light just with your body, you'd die)?Probably not too boring, but alas, the cocaine problem in this community of holier than thou is actually a major problem according to the faithful writer over at Metro. Why? Because cocaine production destroys the rainforest.The rainforest for those of you that don't pay attention to these sorts of environmental and ecological issues (we don't really pay too careful attention to that stuff either) is apparently home to a whole shitload of endangered species and cute cuddly animals that vegans refuse to eat. However, those cute cuddly animals aren't going to stop those bulldozers and chainsaws from going to town on their habitat as they make room to grow more and more of the Coca plant to turn into cocaine for the masses.The masses in this instance being coked up vegans who will tell you all about the immorality of eating meat and drinking booze while snorting up a massive line of cocaine.Like we're always fond of saying, the world is way weirder than you'd ever imagine.F***in' vegans are weird.

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