Violent But True Bed Time Stories: Dan Daly

Dan Daly joined the Marine Corps in 1899 and the rest is pure history. The five foot six inch Dan Daly was 135 pounds of pure badassery. Dan's prowess for combat was only superseded by his cool demeanor.

When Dan joined the Marine Corps, he wanted to smash skulls in Cuba with Teddy Roosevelt and the like. It made Dan really sad that the war was over by the time he was done with recruit training. The Marine Corps knew better than to disappoint Dan, so they sent him to the Asiatic Fleet so he could stomp mudholes in bad guys to occupy his time. During the Boxer Rebellion, Dan was left all alone to guard the American embassy. The Boxers thought this would be an easy target and rushed the embassy. The only thing they really rushed to was their deaths. Dan was found the next morning smoking a cigarette among the bodies of 200 dead enemies. That was his first Medal of Honor.

The second time Dan Daly received the Medal of Honor it was in Haiti. They apparently didn't get the message that he sent while in China. Communications were primitive by today's standards, but Daly didn't care, they should have known better than to pick a fight with the furious death that Dan Daly embodied. When his platoon was ambushed and their machine gun lost to the bottom of the river, Dan got mad. So Dan went for a swim that night and retrieved the machine gun. Upon the return of Daly and the weapon system, the Marines proceeded to kill 400 rebels. There were only 35 Marines.

Somehow Dan Daly died, we think it's because God needed another archangel of death and Dan fit the billet perfectly. However, a destroyer was named in his honor and smashed skulls on the high seas just like its namesake.