Violent But True Bed Time Stories: Leonard Funk

Who's got the funk? We've got the funk! The Germans most definitely did not have the funk, in fact rather Leonard Funk had them. Leonard Funk enlisted in the Army and trained as a paratrooper six months before Pearl Harbor was bombed. He was just in time to kill all of the German's he could get his hands on.

Leonard Funk's first day of combat was when he jumped into Normandy during the D-Day invasion. Funk wasted very little time killing as many enemy soldiers as he could. It was pretty great. He was great at killing Nazis. What more do you expect from someone who volunteers to jump out of an airplane with only nylon to support them? Those paratroopers are some crazy Nazi slaying dudes.

Private Funk was so good at killing bad guys that he was able to skip large chunks of rank throughout the war. Killing was his business and business was good. Leonard Funk was also a master of small unit tactics. In fact, his ability to kill so many enemy soldiers with small numbers of troops without losing any of them earned him the nickname "Napoleon". Leonard wasn't scared of anything except possibly the fear that he might not kill the most enemy soldiers.

Funk was so determined to win that even the Battle of the Bulge didn't dissuade the skull crushing motivator from doing his job. Leonard Funk assembled a bunch of death-dealing members of the Greatest Generation and charged a German strongpoint during a blizzard taking a whole host of German prisoners. Despite a larger German force coming and re-taking these prisoners, Leonard Funk wasn't denied. For all the ass-kicking, skull-crushing work that Leonard Funk did, especially in killing so many German's in around 40 seconds, he received the Medal of Honor. When someone asks you if you've got the funk, you have to say no, because you're not Leonard Funk.