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WW3 Scouting Report: Analyzing Potential Conflicts

July 27, 2018
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Even if WW3 doesn't kick off soon, we're pretty sure we've got the teams down for the next one, and as always, time will be the measure of all things. We've all seen the meme, but they didn't do the scouting report, so we've included a brief description with the strengths/weaknesses of each nation that will likely participate.Keep in mind if you take this seriously, your sense of humor is probably like money in Venezuela, worthless. AlliesThe United States of America: The United States of America brings a wealth of experience, plus the most sophisticated weapons the earth has ever seen to bear in this fight. We're not getting caught with our pants down like we did in the previous two world wars, and we still came out as champs in both of those. Kickass navy, air power, and technology with years of experience fighting conventional and unconventional warfare. We have no weaknesses, Mattis is running the show.

Scouting Report

The United Kingdom, Australia & Canada: They are like miniature versions of the United States with military power, some tech and a nice back up to the varsity lineup of the United States.Germany: Leopard 2 tanks are some pretty high-quality tanks (gee we wonder why) and German Special Forces units have been recently known to go hard in the paint.France: Every team needs a fall guy. France, keep up with that surrendering while we maneuver on the bad guys. At least you might get to learn a language other than German this time.Israel: The Merkava is a badass tank, and the Israelis are some crazy badass people. Don't let their small size fool you, these guys will jack up whoever we send them against, just remember there isn't a lot of them, use them wisely.Spain: Honestly we didn't know Spain even had a military, but we can use them to fill in where France fails.Japan & South Korea: Despite the usual disdain they have for each other, North Korea and China have really been pissing them both off lately. Also, it wouldn't be the first time Japan wrecked China...but that's a different story. That was the Not-Cool Japan.AssholesRussia: They keep saying they are a powerhouse but we all know they're weak as shit. They just have a bunch of dudes and maybe, strong MAYBE comparable technology (we'll believe it when we see it). Putin is probably their best weapon because you can take the man out of the KGB, but you can't take the KGB out of the Commie. Damn crazy Russians.

Scouting Report

China: Well they've stolen a bunch of our technology and to be quite honest they've still got shitty equipment (Chinese knockoffs of American tech) and a weak ass navy. They've got a lot of dudes though...like a lot of dudes. Sooo many friggin guys. China rolls deep.North Korea: We had France these assholes have North Korea, probably going to be the first to fold unless they "volunteer" to join the Chinese military.Volunteer...Iran: They have a whole bunch of small boats they say will swarm our big boats, with both missiles and suicide bombs, but they're gonna have to get close-ish to do either. Doesn't seem like a strength.Wild CardSaudia Arabia: They've been allies for a bit...despite vast human rights violations, and they hate Iran, but we can't really see them being cool with Israel...also they have tons of cash. Maybe they'll just finance our side. Who knows?

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