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Nukes at the Speed of Floppy Disk

Active Military
Active Military
October 21, 2019
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Ok. So disclaimer. WE HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA HOW LAUNCHING A NUKE GOES. We only know what we've seen on that there TV. Dudes get an authenticated message, and then they turn some keys simultaneously, then boom, off she goes to create destruction on an unparalleled scale. We're pretty sure that's all for show, but one thing has been revealed...we've been using floppy disks to get authentication codes up until recently.First off, we're not sure this is entirely a horrible thing. Like, who has to the tech to hack a floppy disk from 1970? Maybe the age-old saying of "When they go high tech, we go low tech," makes some sense and this is a good thing. Again remember the disclaimer, WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO LAUNCH A NUKE. Maybe, since they are so simple, this is a super bad thing. We don't know, but we thought it was humorous that our launch coder thingy has been on a floppy disk up until quite recently. Are they playing fucking Oregon Trail while on duty too? Fuck this is hilarious.Now though, we have a super-duper, fancy, poopin-in-tall-cotton badass ultra-fast encrypted solid-state digital system for the authentication codes for dropping what we like to call the "Fire of God" on some bad guys (more than likely some heathen Commies, with any luck).Not really if this makes us more or less susceptible to hacking but, we're sure way smarter people than us, who know the protocols, ensured that our nukes can't get hacked...hopefully...cause you know...government dicks up everything it touches. In fact, we're quite shocked that we haven't all died yet.So if you got anything from this piece, aside from the outlandish hyperbole and our ignorance on sending a Minuteman III or Trident missile on a mission of doom, it's that we used to use floppy disks until quite recently when we made the switch to a solid-state super fancy digital system. Neat right?

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