Pilot Free Agency

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we're glad you could join us today for what is certain to be an interesting free agency period for the United States Marine Corps. Struggling to keep pilots, the United States Marine Corps has upped the bonus for pilots that are willing to continue to serve to a whopping two hundred and eighty thousand dollars. Gotta say that's some serious cash to anyone who will stay on board. We join the bargaining already in progress.The Marine Corps has that strong opening bid of the $280k, but the commercial airlines are countering with a strong bid of their own, let's go to the floor to hear the bid from the commercial airline industry."We know that wearing the title of Marine is special. It lasts a lifetime. So will the shit-talking if you get shot down and the Air Force PJs have to come to rescue you, an active duty Marine. As a pilot with our airlines, if you get shot down, you're just a civilian pilot flying a giant aircraft with no countermeasures or weapons...nobody will laugh at you. In fact, if you save even one life during the crash landing, you'll be a hero."What a strong bid from the airline industry aiming for the Marine pride that constantly leads those in the Marine Corps to constantly shit talk the Air Force. That would be a travesty indeed if a Marine had to rely on Air Force PJs...not because it's actually bad, but because the Marines will feel like it is really bad.With the potential for his pride to be hurt, the Marine pilot decides it just isn't worth it anymore and takes the offer from the commercial airlines...what's this though...another Marine appeared on stage, what...he's not even an officer...he looks like...

"Hey, yo, this Lance Corporal David Dalus, all my friends call me Dave though...um I'll take $100k to fly them planes man, droppin' bombs n' shit...hey man get your hands off me, do you know who I am..."

Ladies and gentlemen, we're sorry for the interruption by that shitbag... wait a minute, we're getting word that the Marine Corps is actually considering his request...it's official, Lcpl Dalus will be a pilot. The Marine Corps reasoning behind this decision? We quote..."Ahh fuk it. How bad can he be? Plus he's saving us $180k."Really bad Marine Corps, he can be like really really really bad like getting a handjo from Edward Scissor hands bad.Thank you all for joining us today during Pilot Free Agency!