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Experts Seek to Preemptively Rename World War 3

Active Military
Active Military
December 12, 2018
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War is obviously an offensive term. Given the state of social justice and the current world affairs (and potential conflicts), experts are seeking to preemptively rename the future World War 3 before it actually comes about so that we can all make sure not to offend anyone while wholesale slaughtering a good two-fifths of the world's population.Members of the U.N. have formed a special committee comprised of graduates of multiple advanced basket weaving and gender studies programs from across the world. Berkley University, Brown University, and Harvard were all invited to join their peers from across the globe to ensure that standards of inclusivity were being upheld while also ensuring that no countries were culturally appropriating names for their operations. They also met to ensure that there was no mansplaining taking place.The committee, "People for Ethical War & Positive Engagement of Western Society" or PEWPEWS for short, deliberated over several proposed name changes, we at American Grit were able to get a partial list with a few of the proposed name changes to World War 3 on it.Everyone Gets A Fair Shot - Deemed too violent because of the word "shot".Equally Nonconforming to Western Societal Patriarchy - Although everyone really liked this name, it was very confusing and nobody was quite sure what it meant they'd be doing.Powerfully Projecting Peace and Prosperity for All People - This one was another potential winner but lost out due to the fact that the majority of the words started with the letter P...for patriarchy.


The committee worked extremely hard every day for about 3 weeks from the hours of 12:15 PM till 12:30 PM as they needed time to recover from the potentially abrasive discussions and different ideas that would be presented in that 15-minute span.Annoyed by the amount of time it was taking for PEWPEWS to come up with a name, the Secretary of Defense for the United States, James Mattis created his own name and submitted it for approval."Just Burn This Bitch To the Ground Already" was somehow approved by a unanimous decision and had nothing to do with Mattis' presence at the vote as he stared down each committee member with the steely blue eyes of a true killer.

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