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Soldiers Excited for New Stryker Laser Weapons

Active Military
Active Military
April 2, 2019
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(Satire)A directed energy weapon is scheduled to be put on Strykers soon and with that comes some excitement from the men and women who will man those vehicles. We caught up with a few of them and asked us what it meant for them having this brand new weapon system installed on their vehicles."Well like, it's a total game changer you know? Before we had to pour water in our little heater, then find a rock or something to lean that shit on and it took forever to heat up our Chili Mac. Now, man we hang our MREs in front of that laser weapon for like 20 seconds and our shit is cooked," says Specialist Mike ArdonThe weapon is designed to help engage targets faster as well as jam enemy communication and electronics in their vehicles, but troops are finding the cooking MRE thing to be the bigger force multiplier.Even the officers are getting on the bandwagon for this new weapon system, officers like Captain Patrick Ness,"Yeah like, usually everyone has to wait forever to get their MRE cooked and we all know in warfare, time is money. Now the entire crew can heat up their MRE in less than two minutes and be back in the vehicle, ready for action." When it comes to breaking the enemies shit, the system also performs as tested. Troops just don't seem to care though as long as they have hot chow in their bellies...even if it is an MRE."Look MREs taste like shit most of the time, but if you happen to have the time to heat them up, it's like bad sex, you're not going to celebrate about it, but hey at least you're getting something warm," says Sergeant First Class Douglas Prique.The Department of the Army did insist that soldiers stop using the laser to heat up their MREs but...who from the Pentagon is going to haul ass all the way out to Fairbanks, Alaska to ensure troops aren't using the laser to cook their MREs? Nobody. That's who.

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