Things You Can't Do in the Marine Corps

I can't believe I'm writing a list of things you can't do in the Marine Corps. Hey, 2nd MarDiv Marines, this one goes out to you. We know it must be hard not being #WestCoastBestCoast like those of us in the 1st MarDiv, but try to contain your shitbaggery or at least return it to normally acceptable levels. While we all bitch and moan about having to play f*** f*** games, there is, and I'll begrudgingly admit, usually a reason behind the f*** f*** games.So in reality, you guys only have yourselves to blame. I don't want to hear this "But if I disciplined my Marines, I'd get in trouble." My senior Marines didn't give a shit about getting in trouble, they gave a shit about the standard, trouble be damned. NJP's were plenty, but we made Ramadi our bitch in 05-06, so... They wanted to make sure I did my damn job, so I don't wanna hear no bitching or moaning, plus...if you can't take a little good-natured ribbing that you've earned...like...why are you even on the internet? But I digress, here is a list of shit you are not allowed to do while in the United States Marine Corps unless you want to participate in division-wide bullshit games.

• Be in the chow hall in pajamas and get caught by the Commandant of the Marine Corps
• How f***ing stupid was this shower shoe? Bro, the chow hall...in PJs? Were you dropped on your head during your formative years repeatedly?
• 1.b. How the hell did nobody else correct this shit for brains? You all deserve this for not sacking up and whipping his ass.
• Blow off the division commander by staying seated while talking on your cell phone even after he addresses you.
• In the name of the BDE havin' Major General Smedley Butler, if anyone had done that to a 'lowly' Major, they'd be run until they died, got reincarnated and then ran until they died again.
• Not shave, homeboy, we know you wanna rock out with your operator beard, but guess what? You're probably not an operator and even if you were, you'd be good enough to not get caught.
• Have long hair. We get it, we pushed the regs as far as we could go, but, if we went a week without a hair cut, we had a good old time to shave your head party.
• Leave your base looking like trash. Police call. Take some pride in the place you call your home. It's not hard to walk the extra 6 feet to the trash can and throw away your cigarette butt.

I may get some hate for saying this but, good god man, you guys brought this garbage on yourselves and now, even with a CG 'micromanaging' you, you're the only ones who can fix yourselves, so sack up, take your social media lumps like men and unf*** yourselves.P.S. I can't wait to read the hate mail from all the people that are tough on the internet but wouldn't tell a junior Marine to get out of the chow hall in pajamas. Really lets me know where your priorities lie.