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Opinion: Slightly Revamp Naming Policy for Naval Ships

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May 31, 2019
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I love that we name our ships after states and heroes of old and even new. Men like Michael Monsoor and Jason Dunham deserve to be remembered for their tremendous sacrifice. And of course, we enjoy the tradition of naming vessels after states and presidents or distinguished statesmen...but if I may offer a suggestion to slightly alter the current naming policies?It's not a big shift and I think we should totally keep doing those other naming options as well for a vast majority of the vessels, but every once in a while...say we crank out a real like...death dealing badass mofo looooooooooooooooong dick swingin' vessel. Think like a totally new battleship with brand new armor, electronics, nuclear propulsion, laser cannon batteries as well as missile batteries...just a real motherf***er of a warship right...Name it the USS Murder, or the USS Get Wrekt, or even the USS War Crimes.And let's just keep it most of the time in port near the United States...then, when some shithead country starts acting a fool, we send that ship along with several support ships (destroyers, cruisers, frigates, submarines, etc...) to the trouble spot in the world, even if we already have naval forces nearby. Can you imagine?Iran: Hey uh...why did you send the USS War Crimes...you already have the 5th fleet like 30 miles away, why'd you send that ship all the way out here?United States: No reason in particular dude.Iran: Are you sure? It has nothing to do with its name?United: Totally. Whatever would you mean?Or even name a ship the USS Hiroshima...people would...get the hint if you catch our drift.Like we said, keep the current naming policy in place, and just add this new one in like...every 15 ships or some shit. Make a statement. Really give our ships some extra pizzaz. Maybe we wouldn't even have to go to war anymore if we started naming our ships some openly hostile shit. Yes it's juvenile and no I'm not seriou...ok maybe I'm a little bit serious, either way, I'd be laughing my ass off if we sent a ship named the USS Murder through the Strait of Taiwan.

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