Man, the dumb things boots do... our side hurts from laughing. In before you all start asking what a boot is. Aside from a "fashionable" piece of government footwear, the word boot is actually an acronym. An acronym in the military, you don't say! (cue sarcastic gasp) In the Marine Corps, boot describes someone who is "barely out of training," see how it spells out boot, using the first letter of each word. It's a miracle! Boots do all sorts of silly things that are super entertaining to watch. Why? Because one, some of us have done one or several of the things before, and while it wasn't funny to us then, it sure as shit is funny to us now. Or two, boots are really dumb, and it's really fun to watch people do dumb things. Without further ado, hold our beer, and let's get going.Oh, the dumb things boots do, this will be fun.1. Buy A CarWhy is this a dumb thing you might ask? Well, most of your new guys are 18 years old and they have zero credit. Combine that with a smooth talking used car salesman outside of their first duty station and you've got a boot who buys a V6 Mustang at 20% interest well over asking price. The funny part is he thinks he got a great deal. For those of us that know, he did not. Zero down is a tempting mistress but her sister high interest is a bad chick!
2. Get a Credit CardFor this first time in many boots lives, they've got a steady paycheck. With that, the credit card offers come rolling in. Buy now, pay later? Hell yeah! Because the truth is (as it was for many of us) when you're 18; You're not super thinking about the future. Against the better advice of squad leaders and platoon sergeants, boots will usually get into some sky-high credit card debt relatively quickly. It's funny because we're still paying off our credit cards from 15 years ago too...(facepalm)
3. Get MarriedOh American Grit, you damn cynics. Hating on peoples love lives. We've heard it before and look, if you truly love each other, go ahead get hitched. However, don't come to us excited because you met a stripper who was "She's totes into me, Corporal." No, she's not we've been around for a while and we saw her marry Corporal Simmons when we were boots. She's totes into your benefits and free housing.
4. Get Joint Checking with said Stripper-WifeThis one can get bad. If you trust someone you just met, with all that tax-free deployment cash, you've kinda earned the punishment you're gonna get. She's gonna leave you, and take all your money. Also, she'll probably have been cheating on you too. Sorry for the bad news brotato, but it's better you hear this word of warning from us than living it out.
5. Get a MotorcycleDo you want to know the fastest way to end your military career? Be young, dumb and feel invincible, then buy a motorcycle. We love motorcycles, we really do and you might be an accomplished rider, but when you first join the military is not the time to learn. That's why we waited a couple years before we got on a bike. Shattered ankles, femurs, shoulders, skulls...all of those things are pieces of your anatomy that you need have functioning while serving.