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So Dumb It Must Be True

Active Military
Active Military
March 29, 2019
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We all have these stories. Things that took place while you were in, that you witnessed, that were so 'faking a hate crime against you amidst the most inconceivable and unlikely settings' dumb that anyone you told, stared at you with jaws on the floor in utter and complete disbelief, yet the story was 100% true. It's literally so dumb, it must be true. This is one of those stories.Summertime 2005, Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, California. I, a young PFC, at the time had just come out of the field during either a week-long stint or CAX, the precursor to the modern Mojave Viper training. I and the other Marines of 3rd Battalion 7th Marines were slated to deploy to Ramadi in September. It's hard to remember specific dates relating to the numerous sand-infested-butt-crack field operations we did. No sooner had we come out of the field, we were summoned back.Why? The favorite question of PFCs everywhere. Why do I gotta go to the motor pool? Why do I gotta go to the armory? Why do I gotta do this, that or anything at all? PFCs are f***ing dumb...or at least I was (hell maybe I still am, and that's ok, I own it). The inevitable answer at the time was "Shut the f*** up dumb boot!" Which was...admittedly deserved. However this time, my why was met with an actual answer."Because some comm guy lost his pistol on top of a hill and he can't find it so we're going to police call the area till we find it."What. The. Shit? Lost his f***ing pistol? As a PFC, if I lost a booger out of my nose, I was sure to be hazed mercilessly for losing government property. However, this SNCO, lost his pistol and the ENTIRE BATTALION HAD TO GET ONLINE, SHOULDER TO SHOULDER AND WALK THROUGH THE DESERT STARING AT THE GROUND.Each company had a designated search area. For those of you unfamiliar with MCAGCC Twentynine Palms, the entire training area is an impact area for everything from 9mm pistol, to big ass bombs. Some of those bombs, mortars etc...don't explode. And here we are, walking through this giant impact zone with unexploded ordnance all around, looking for one lowly M9 Beretta pistol.It was never found, despite the 2-3 day search by the worlds finest fighting force. We combed the desert and didn't find shit (wink wink).Share with us, if you will the dumbest shit that happened to you that is literally TOO stupid to not have actually happened.

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