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Texas Man Sends Resume to ISIS

Active Military
Active Military
January 29, 2019
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Well, he got what he wanted. He joined up with ISIS as an English teacher and was captured in Syria by the Kurds. Warren Christopher Clark, of Houston, sent his resume to ISIS, yeah...a resume. We can only imagine what it read like...(imagine us putting a thought bubble here)

Warren Christopher ClarkI am seeking a position in your terror organization to teach English so that we all may kill more infidels.

Core Qualifications:Hate America. Hate Bacon. Hate Women.Like Bombs. Likes goats.


English- 34 Years experience speaking, reading and writingCombat- Call of Duty: MW2 10 years, Battlefield (whole series on Xbox and Windows)Hating America- 34 Years, I hate these infidelsBeing a huge douchebag: 34 years

Hobbies:Hating AmericaHating InfidelsLong walks on the beachHate IsraelNot Being A Suicide BomberSexual attraction to goats

We don't have much in common with ISIS wannabe's, so this resume that we've pieced together is somewhat incomplete as we can hardly imagine what it's like to be such a shitty person that you send your resume to dudes that are lighting people on fire, or to finance such a terror group in the first place (cough cough).Warren Christopher Clark is in Houston awaiting trial despite his father suggesting that he'd never do such a terrible thing. It's not like he was captured in Syria, by the Kurds, while being a part of's not like we have this crazy thing called substantial evidence suggesting that he would indeed be a part of such a horrible thing.We have but one question. How do you look someone in the face, after being captured fighting for ISIS and shipped home and say "Nah it wasn't me." There are so many eyewitnesses that saw you do what you did. Across the're going to spend a long time in jail...or well this is Texas so you might not spend a long time in jail if you catch our drift.

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