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5 Facial Hair Styles a Man Should Never Attempt

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June 16, 2016
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This article is coming at you from our friends over at Alpha Outpost.

5 Facial Hair Styles a Man Should Never Have

Men of this generation like to try new things when it comes to their style, and let's be honest, some of it can be downright idiotic. From wearing a scarf in summer time, V-necks that barely cover your nips, to actually buying jeans in the women's department. Now, the worst part is facial hair is taking on this trend, and it's not getting any better for our society. Here is a list of 5 facial hair styles to never grow as a man.

Number One: The Hitler Toothbrush

This is something that shouldn’t even have to be mentioned, but we wouldn’t have put it here if some jackasses were not still sporting it. Get your wannabe Charlie Chaplin ass in front of the mirror and realize the circus left town 70 years ago. This is not only offensive, but it will lead to your friends never inviting you out to be a wingman ever again.

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Number Two: The Neck Beard

How is this even a thing? Even the Amish would frown upon this horrible life choice you made for your neck. Maybe you are a huge fan of turtle-necks, but hate the fact that they went out of style in the 80’s. Either way, shave your neck, opposite day ended in third grade. Side Note: How red is your neck from itching all the time?

Number Three: The Spotted Patches

It’s simple, if you can’t grow it then don’t show it. No woman wants to see the pubic hair that you have been trying to grow on your face for the past 2 weeks. It just makes your face look like a spotted cheetah creeping every woman out at the bar. If you have spotty facial hair, make sure to try to pull it off in a well groomed way. A well groomed way would be shave your face daily till it finally grows in.

Number Four: The Soul Patch

This was a huge hit in the 60’s. Now it just makes you look like a stoner who still lives in his mom’s basement, playing dance-dance revolution and listening to Pantera on repeat. This look also makes you look like you have a lower region landing strip on your chin. If you have the ability to grow the patch, why not extend it in to a well groomed beard? PS – move out of your mom’s basement, it’s 2016.

Number 5: The Handle Bar

You have to be three types of guys to pull this off: Civil War heroes, a member of a biker club or Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. If you are not in that category, then this look is not for you. It doesn't matter if you are the biggest "bro" at the gym grunting like Maria Sharapova after 30 cigarettes, you will still make everyone uncomfortable working out next to you with your face. Side Note: Stop doing steroids, you are destroying your body. Double Side Note: If you are actually able to pull this off, please share a picture tagging #alphaoutpost so we can tell you that you are wrong.

Stick with a healthy clean look guys. If you need some tips on what that is, then check out our Dopp Kit for this month. We will have the tools and training you need to never have these ridiculous facial hair styles.

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