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Good News! Pakistani Taliban Leader Killed

June 15, 2018
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Oh what a glorious feeling, oh what a glorious day. Pakistani Taliban Leader Mullah Fazlullah was reportedly been taken out.Look. War friggin sucks, but what sucks more is the people that commit such subhuman animalistic atrocities, that make us say "F*** it, we're done talking," and go fight these guys. So in keeping with the good news image we've tried to cultivate, albeit with some difficulty as our writers are a bunch of angry Lance Corporals who were forced to take the "Spelling For Marines" MCI several times until they could form complete sentences without utilizing their favorite fillers (we all know those words). The Pakistani leader of the Taliban, Mullah Fazlullah got fresh out, dead up smoked by a drone strike from U.S. forces. Bye Felicia, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Lord of War James Mattis has been quoted as saying that we should,"Find the enemy that wants to end this experiment (in American democracy) and kill every one of them until they're so sick of the killing that they leave us and our freedoms intact."Well, we did just that. Although preliminary reports have not been confirmed, intelligence suggests that Mullah Fazlullah along with several other commanders for the Tehreek-e Taliban Pakistan were killed by a missile or missiles from a U.S. drone strike. As the war rages, after almost 20 years of fighting, any good news regarding decimating the Taliban forces who continue to commit human rights violations like they're shopping at Costco, is welcome.

Pakistani Taliban Leader Killed

The other commanders killed in the attack are presumed to be Umar, Imran, Abu Bakar and Sajid.There is a rule or law, whichever you'd like to call it, that in warfare, thou shalt practice the art of dispersion, lest one grenade kill you all. We're paraphrasing from Murphy's law, but you get the point. Every single time these whackjobs seem to congregate, a missile seems to find it's merry way to carry them to their final destination.Good riddance. Maybe next time someone will think twice about shooting up schools or trying to assassinate Nobel Prize laureate Malala Yousafzai. Cause if they do, we'll get them.

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