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Attempted Espionage for China Goes Awry

Veteran News
Veteran News
March 20, 2019
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This pompous f*** canoe. Ron Rockwell Hansen, plead guilty to attempted espionage on behalf of China this past Friday. Ron served his country in the United States Army. Ron then retired and got a posh job at the Defense Intelligence Agency. Ron then sold out his country for a few hundred thousand dollars. Ron is a dick. Don't be like Ron.First off...a few hundred thousand dollars...bruh we'd never commit treason, but if we did, our paycheck would have to include waaaaay more zeros to the left of the decimal point. If we're turning our backs on America, we'd better be the richest dude on the planet with extremely talented and highly skilled security so DEVGRU or CAG don't flashbang our ass and turn us into graduates of Pink Mist University.That's beside the point though. Because it'd never happen...literally you'd have to pay us like 20 trillion dollars. And nobody on this planet has 20 trillion dollars they're willing to hand over to a terminal Lance Corporal for whatever secrets we got. This is literally how that conversation would go down.China: "Tell us how the Lance Corporal Underground knows things before they happen! Capitalist pig dog!"Random Terminal Lance: "Yo man, I don't even know, we just know, it's like ESPN or some shit. You got any more of that Copenhagen?"Anyways, as a signals and human intelligence specialist, with a Top Secret clearance, Ron really dicked us over, yet he only faces up to 15 years in prison...only 15 years? That's the max sentence? We're going to say what everyone else is thinking. If you commit treason, we do the whole shooting you in your face thing. Thems the rules...or at least they should be.If news got around that being a treasonous MRE shit of a person got you shot end of story no questions asked, then maybe we wouldn't have the Ron problem, would we? No, we wouldn't. Great going Ron, you dick.

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