Prepare to Celebrate America

Ok, folks, we've been joking around for a few weeks about all of our 4th of July plans, and we're still going to joke, here but we do want to address some minor safety concerns if we could. As we prepare to celebrate America and our courageous absolution of political bonds to the government of Great Britain, it is important that we don't do to ourselves what they were trying to accomplish. So yes, we will be lighting off a metric ton of fireworks and we will also probably be drinking copious amounts of alcohol.First off with the fireworks, we know you are going to probably spend your life savings on these...miniature explosives, much like we are. We spend a lot of cash, so we definitely want to be able to put them to good use. Our suggestion here, find a big open area, with no dry grass or foliage. You don't want to stop mid extravaganza to put out a raging wildfire. As cool as it may look to the airplanes, we're celebrating, not destroying homes, unless those homes belong to ISIS or Al-Qaeda and are in a combat zone.If you do know of any ISIS or Al-Qaeda homes and you're in a combat zone, and you have the means to utilize say...Hellfire Missiles, or a "Ma Deuce", or a TOW Missile...you know the U.S. Governments version of fireworks, then please, fire at will.To prepare for your drinking, please buy great alcohol. Nobody wants O'Brian's Tequila, bottled in Dublin, Ireland. It's probably not very good. Get some really good liquor, we, of course, have our preferences but please dear lord, no O'Brian's Tequila. Also in preparation for your drinking please take your car keys, give them to a friend and have them fling them far into a field. You won't be able to find them until you're sober enough to drive home. Or just be cool and get an Uber or a designated driver. Either way, we're cool.

Last but not least, please do not mix the use, especially in high volumes, of fireworks and copious amounts of alcohol. That's how we lose fingers!We hope you're as prepared as we to celebrate America and all the wonderful freedoms we enjoy here.