Navy Confirms (Sorta) that Aliens Are Real

Or some super-advanced shit that we got is fuckin real. Remember those videos a few months back where some F/A-18 pilots saw some weird-ass shit and caught it on film? Remember how the thing was hovering then accelerated so fast that the F/A-18 couldn't track it? Yeah. The United States Navy just made a statement that those videos were, in fact, real and unaltered, and also...they should have never been released. You know this footage...(seen below).

So like we said, it either means aliens are fucking real as hell and have been visiting us for quite some time, which also coincidently means that Earl from Appalachia America has not been lying about getting butt probed by aliens. We should go apologize to Earl.OR...We got some dope ass weapons still in development and Russia, China, Iran, Venezuela, and North Korea should all just calm the fuck down for about five damn minutes. Seriously, chill.And here is the ass-kicker, we're not exactly sure which side to put our money on. Those UFOs had some serious speed and maneuverability. If we had some shit like that, dude everyone on this entire planet that hates us would all of a sudden try to become our best friends. And, since we're pretty much alien experts after binge-watching Ancient Aliens again this past weekend, we're probably going to side with these unidentifiable aerial vehicles being aliens.Certainly, the likelihood of us being wrong always exists, in fact, it's almost a certainty, but...present us with two other options that are more likely...can you do it? Nope. You can't. So the utterly absurd and ridiculous assertions we've made here, no matter how preposterous and looney they sound...have to be right.And by the way, the Navy is like...super pissed that these videos were leaked. Someone high up is really mad at someone a lot lower on the ol' totem pole. What punishment they'll receive? ...We're sure we'll never hear about it.