Movie Review: Dirty Grandpa

It’s time for another Grunt Style movie review, and for this weeks pick, I went to see Dirty Grandpa. I knew nothing about the film, nor had I seen any trailers for it ahead of time. I had seen some pretty hilarious posters with Johnny Knoxville in an old man suit though, so I was optimistic that this would be at least worth my time.

So, I arrived at the movie theater in grand style, stopping first at the concession stand after buying my ticket. All I need is a large soda to enjoy a movie. Unfortunately they were out of large cups, but told me that I could refill the child sized one they did have as many times as I wanted. Instead of getting the drink I wanted, I've been tasked with chores to do throughout the movie? I'm not making trips to refill my drink! Disappointed, I agreed to continue on with my comically small sized cup, but not before dumping the straw dispenser out over the counter to the dismay of the pimple faced high schooler on the other side of the counter. In hindsight, I should have paid for my drink before doing that. Having to remain there to pay certainly made for an awkward exchange, especially because I was also $.20 short. He was nice enough to let it slide though, grumbling to himself as he stuffed my crumpled bills into the register as I walked away.I happened to find a seat in front of a couple in their mid 20’s who seemed to be engrossed in whatever was on their smartphones at the moment. Luckily, I noticed that they must have been the last fortunate people to have been able to snag the large cups of soda before the stand ran out of them. I was able to switch out my tiny cup of sprite with their large cups of what I’m pretty sure was Dr. Pepper (oh well), while they continued to scroll through their phones, not paying attention to me at all. The previews were in full swing at this point, and in the middle of whatever superhero swill is coming out next, the couple behind me noticed that their drinks weren’t the size they remembered buying. I heard them debating with one another as to whether or not the “asshole in front of them” had switched out their soda cup. I sipped loudly, inviting them both to accuse me of stealing their drinks, which they did.[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="770"]

dirty grandpa[/caption]At this point, the opening credits were starting up and the theater started to swell with the sound of some bullshit bubble-gum rock music. This guy was a lot stronger than he looked, as he leaned over the seat, trying to snatch the soda cup from my hand as I continued to sip loudly while looking over my shoulder at him. I reached back to slap his hand away from me, but accidentally knocked the popcorn bag out of the girlfriends lap. This is where they both started to get really belligerent and out of hand.The usher rushed over to our seats as we were fully engaged in a double headlock with my row of seats in between us. The usher pushed us apart and demanded to know what was happening. At this point, it appeared that Robert De Niro was in this movie. He was talking about some kind of death in the family, or something. I couldn’t really hear him because the guy behind me was yelling frantically about someone stealing their drink or something. These Johnny Knocksville movies seem to have gotten a pretty big budget jump after their first few films to get someone like De Niro to join in their shenanigans. Good for them.I regret turning to watch what was happening in that scene, because that’s the moment this guy took the opportunity to sucker punch me over the seat before being drug out of the theater by the usher while his girlfriend rushed after them, screaming over her shoulder at me and yelling back at the usher about "having the wrong guy." She was yelling some pretty dirty stuff. I was almost embarrassed for her. Some people just really shouldn’t be allowed in public.Anyway, the movie sucked. Johnny Knoxville wasn’t even in it. Apparently that’s a different movie all together.

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