The time is upon us, the Cookiegeddon. The conspiracy only grows closer to truth and reality every year. Right around this time, the cookies from the adorable Girl Scouts of America go on sale. Much like Hallmark invented Valentines Day to make cash, the Girl Scouts of America sell cookies to ruin New Years Resolutions.
"New Year, new me," you say confidently during the first two weeks of January.Then Cookiegeddon happens. Adorable pre-teen girls don their tunics, sashes, and vest displaying their many accomplishments, and the sweep like locusts down upon the suburban neighborhoods."Please, just one box is all it will take to help me reach my goal, sir/ma'am," they say seemingly innocent and without malice.
Little do we know this carefully designed plot to ruin New Year's resolutions has been executed flawlessly for the last 40 years. We reached out to the Girl Scouts of America asking them the tough questions. Here is a small taste of that interview, don't worry America, we pulled no punches.American Grit: "Are you aware of the demand for Thin Mints and are you adequately stocked?"Girl Scouts: "Certainly, we always carry plenty in reserve."American Grit: "Yeah well WHAT ABOUT SAMOAS?"Girl Scouts: "Sir, if you're going to insult us then we have no choice but to say good day to you!"American Grit: "Wait can you at least make an official statement that anyone who doesn't put their Thin Mints in the freezer is a communist...please don't leave, we need the cookies."See how shady they are with their answers. By the way off the record, they did say if you don't put your Thin Mints in the freezer you're a communist.
Every single year, we get into our groove into the gym then the Cookiegeddon hits and before you know it you've (we've) ordered 20 boxes of Thin Mints, 15 boxes of Samoas and 5 boxes of Lemonades (because you know they always have problems selling the Lemonades)!Every. Damn. Year.