Taken Seriously at the Gym

The gym can be an intimidating place. Whether the folks you're seeing look like they could step out of a fitness or bodybuilding magazine, they're intimidating to newcomers. Here are a few tips to ensure that you get the most out of your gym time and the most out of your social media posts about how you 'Like totally go to the gym all the time bruh.' This is how to be taken seriously at the gym.Rule number one, always always always never forget this. Load up the barbell with as much weight as you can stand under. Make sure your 'lifting partner' is standing camera ready, to take a still not video, of you with this gargantuan weight on your shoulders. Then after the picture is taken, slightly bend your knees four or five times while grunting really loud and ensure you slam the weight back into the rack when you're done. Who cares you didn't hit parallel? You still 'totally got that PR bruh'. Ensure you steal a quote from someone famous and then talk about how you PR'd an obscene amount of weight on social media.

Definitely, don't wipe off equipment after you're done either. You want to leave that sweat stain on the bench as an indication of how hard you just worked. It's like a dog marking its territory, you now own that bench. If anyone else comes to use it, make sure you glare at them and call them 'bruh' more than 5 times per sentence while telling them to get lost. This move establishes dominance in the extremely Alpha dominated gym environment. Take a picture, talk about how you work hard, play hard.Last but not least take super long rest breaks and do an obscene amount of sets and reps on the only machine of its type in the gym. Only one Leg Press machine? AWESOME, make sure you and your 6 friends do 12 sets of 25 each, all with different weights. Make sure you post a group photo to social media with the words "Squad" somewhere in the text, but no actual video of any of you doing anything.

That about covers it as far as how to be taken seriously at the gym. Wait! We almost forgot. Make sure you do a really complex circuit that requires a piece of equipment that other people could and need to use. Certainly, you only use that piece of equipment once every 5 minutes, but it always needs to be on standby in case you miraculously get faster and less tired as your workout goes on. Again dominance. Post the whole routine on social media and brag about how other peoples workout is your warmup.The End.