Thems the Rules

Look, I'm no lawyer, but I've fought a couple of traffic tickets and won every single one of them, so I kinda know what I'm about son...just kidding. In all honesty though, when it comes to fighting people...the legality of putting your hands on someone, aka, beating wholesale ass like you're a Costco, dealing uppercuts in bulk, can ruin your life if you're not in the right. How do you know if you're in the right? Well, read on!So what are the rules? Again, I'm not a lawyer but I did stay at a Holiday Inn, so I've got that going for me. The general rule of thumb is that you can't swing first. So yeah, even if someone is talking mad crazy shit about how your mom Facetimes them late night, you can't go swinging at them all John Woo-like.I know, sometimes when people open their stupid mouths, I want to punch them too, but...unless you live in one of the states or municipalities where mutual combat is a thing, someone talking mad shit about how your wife, girlfriend, lover, mistress or whatever is like the village bicycle, isn't a legitimate reason for handing out lefts and rights like a 5013c nonprofit.You're probably going to spend some time in jail, be painted by the media as a temperamental asshole who can't control his feelings. Should it be that way? No, but that's how the world is.Now. On the flip side, if someone swings at you and you whip their ass, you're probably good. I'd still lawyer up though. You don't want to say something inflammatory or dumb that could result in your statements being used against you in court. Lawyer up.I don't make these rules, but given the world we live in, with people looking to cash in on you losing your temper...better be safe than sorry. Don't do your best impression of John Wick until someone actually puts their hands on you and shut your mouth because you'll probably get yourself into way more trouble if you start talking yourself up about how you knocked him the fugg out and being all hype about how you're the toughest guy in your town.Words are words. Fists are fists. Use words against words and fists against fists. Thems the rules.