Deck Your Balls with This NSFW Christmas Carol

Just as any infantry grunt can belt out at least one or two inappropriate cadences without much thought, it is always good policy to have a few solid Christmas carols in the back room to aid people in receiving the spirit of Christmas. Just in case you needed an example, we got drunk and put one together for all you blood thirsty sweethearts: 

"Boots and Bacon Christmas"

Back from deployment, snow on the ground,

Cracking a cold one, the veterans gather 'round.

Stories of the field, some rough, some fun,

Laughing about that time Jimmy lost his gun.

Boots and Bacon, Christmas is here,

Pour another round, let's toast to the year.

Whiskey and jokes, in the barracks we cheer,

With a wink and a nod, and maybe a tear.

Maggie fries bacon, thick cuts and crisp,

John swears it's better than any desert trip.

Tales of loose nights in faraway towns,

Laughs about morning afters and dressing gown clowns.

Some sing of battles, some of carol's delight,

All thankful they're here, on this Christmas night.

Swearing and toasting, their bonds oh so tight,

Guns cleaned and stacked, but out of the fight.

Boots and Bacon, lights on the tree,

Glasses clink loud, in wild esprit.

Remembering those, who can't be here tonight,

With hearts full of love, and spirits so bright.

A game of poker, stakes getting high,

Steve's trying to cheat, but we all spy.

Money and bacon, the pot's getting fat,

Winner gets bragging rights, and that's that!

So here's to the vets, with their wild tales spun,

Of battles and bacon, and all kinds of fun.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good gun,

Sleep with one eye open, 'cause the nights just begun.

Something to keep in mind, all good writers borrow, and all great writers steal. Many of the cadences you remember also came as modifications to those that came before. Feel free to add in a few lines, or change it completely, but when it comes time, have it reading in that left breast pocket. It should also go without saying, firearms and substances don’t mix, so enjoy a holiday season with our weapon safety intact.